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Comedian banned from telling killer joke.

Japanese stand up comedian has been banned from telling the world's funniest joke after 14 people die laughing. Click to read the full story - Killer Joke

Woman Turns Into a Mermaid.
Marilyn Anders has never been particularly fond of swimming, therefore she was surprised and quite horrified to wake up this past Tuesday morning and find that not only was she unable to climb out of bed, but she had no feet upon which to stand. Marilyn’s legs from the knees down had turned into some sort of flippers. Marilyn finds her self craving liquids to drink, particularly diet cola, however contrary to what might have been expected, given what we’ve read in science fiction accounts, she seems to have no desire whatsoever to immerse herself in water.
“I don’t have a particular aversion to it,” she told reporters, who, upon hearing of this particular phenomena had shown up at the Anders’ home, hoping to find out more information upon this unheard of occurrence. “It’s just that I don’t desire to be in it any more or any less than I ever did.”

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Ostrich Joke

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries
and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be £9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his
pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says,
"A hamburger, fries, and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount.
For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in
the week.
"The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato,
and salad," says the man.
" Yep! Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be £32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your
pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was clearing the attic
and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a
couple of million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and replies, "My second wish was for a tall
bird with a big arse and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

A Gay's a Man for A' That

Is there for honest policy
That hings its head, an a' that?
The coward politician, we pass him by -
We dare be queer for a' that!
For a' that, an a' that!
Our ways obscure, an a' that,
Marriage is but the guinea's stamp,
The gay's the gowd for a' that.

What though on ‘homo’ fare we dine,
Wear shocking pink, an a' that?
Gie fools their thrills, and knaves their wives -
A gay's a man for a' that.
For a' that, an a' that,
Their tinsel show, an a' that,
The honest gay, tho’ e'er sae queer,
Is queen o’ men for a' that.

Then let us pray that come it may
(As come it will for a' that),
That Liberty and Charity o'er a' the earth,
Shall bear the gree an a' that.
For a' that, an a' that,
It's coming yet for a' that,
That gay to gay, the world, o'er
Shall brithers be for a' that.

More weird poems at No-Rabbie-Burns 

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