|
} (in the stage version right after the first chorus
Brad has this extra verse:
}
}Brad: I can see the flag fly
} I can see the rain
} Just the same, there has got to be
} Something better here for you and me.
}
} (repeat chorus))
Narrator: And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on
Brad and Janet
{"unlike your neck"} and
that they had found the assistance that their plight
required.
{"Are you sure?"} ...Or had they?
Janet: Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and frightened...
Brad: Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone.
{"ding dong, asshole calling, wanna buy some asshole
cookies?"}
(doorbell rings, door creaks open)
Riff Raff: Hello. {"Hello"}
Brad: Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee,
Janet Weiss.
I wonder if you could help us. You see, our car broke
down
a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we might
use?
Riff Raff: You're wet. {"No shit, Sherlock!"}
{"Janet, are you a slut?"}
Janet: Yes - it's raining. {"No shit, Janet!"}
{"Brad, are you an asshole?"}
Brad: Yes.
{"Riff, do you fuck your sister?"}
Riff Raff: Yes... I think perhaps you better both {"Fuck
off"} come inside.
{"Better than cuming outside!" or "I don't care where
you cum"}
Janet: {"How kind is he?"} You're too kind. {"No, he's
not"}
Oh Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this?
Brad: Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for
rich weirdos.
Janet: Oh (forlornly)
Riff Raff: {"Which way (do you fuck your sister)?"} This
way.
{"Follow the bouncing thumb"}
Janet: Are you having a party?
{"What kind of night is it?"}
Riff Raff: You've arrived on a very special night. It's
one of the
master's affairs. {"Which one?"}
Janet: Oh lucky him.
{echo next line ("You're lucky... ha ha ha ha ha")}
Magenta: You're lucky, He's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all
lucky! ha ha ha ha ha
{"The banister's lucky!"}
(- seven dongs -) {don't ask -ed.}
THE TIME WARP
{if you aren't in the aisle by now, get in the aisle and
crouch down}
Riff Raff: It's astounding;
Time is fleeting; {"What's your favorite rock group?"}
Madness takes its toll.
But listen closely...
{"For how long?"}
Magenta: Not for very much longer.
Riff Raff: I've got to keep control.
I remember doing the time-warp {"Kick! Kick!"}
Drinking those moments when
The darkness would hit me
Riff & Magenta: And a void would be calling...
{get up and time warp!}
Transylvanians: Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.
{"How's it done?"}
{Here are the instructions: DO IT!}
Narrator: It's just a jump to the left.
All: And then a step to the right.
Narrator: With your hands on your hips. {echo "tits"
over "hips"}
All: You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust {"oooo ahhh" with each
thrust}
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.
{crouch down and clap to the rythem}
Magenta: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.
So you can't see me, no, not at all.
In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention,
Well secluded, I see all. {echo "The floor" over "all"}
Riff Raff: With a bit of a mind flip
Magenta: You're into the time slip. {"Fuck that bird!"}
Riff Raff: And nothing can ever be the same.
Magenta: You're spaced out on sensation.
Riff Raff: Like you're under sedation.
{up again!}
All: Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.
{crouch down and clap again, feel free to add back up
vocals
to the next bit with "woo oo oo oo" in an apropriate
tune}
Columbia: Well I was walking down the street just having
a think
When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change.
Time meant nothing, never would again.
{up again!}
All: Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Narrator: It's just a jump to the left.
All: And then a step to the right.
Narrator: With your hands on your hips.
All: You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.
{crouch down again, and clap}
(Columbia tap-dances {just before she hits the stairs
"Watch out!"
or "Two! Four! Six! Eight! Show us how you masterbate!
Three! Five!
Seven! Nine! We know you do it all the time!"}
{when she starts spinning "Eat you heart out Anne
Miller! Eat
Me out Anne Miller!"}
{Up again!}
All: Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Narrator: It's just a jump to the left.
All: And then a step to the right.
Narrator: With your hands on your hips.
All: You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
that really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.
{collapse out of exhaustion!}
Janet: Brad, say something. (whispered)
{echo "Say something stupid, Brad!(Asshole)"}
Brad: Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison?
{"Asshole!"}
Janet: Brad, please, let's get out of here.
Brad: For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet.
(music cue softly at first, crescendo up) {stomp in time
to Frank}
Janet: But it... it seems so unhealthy here.
Brad: It's just a party, Janet.
Janet: Well - I want to go.
Brad: Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.
Janet: Well then ask the butler or someone.
Brad: Just a moment, Janet - we don't want to interfere
with their celebration.
Janet: This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.
Brad: They're probably foreigners with ways different
than our own.
They may do some more folk dancing.
Janet: Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain
scared.
Brad: I'm here - there's nothing to worry about
{Scream!}
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
Frank: How do you do, I
See you've met my
Faithful handyman.
He's just a little brought down
Because when you knocked
He thought you were the candyman.
Don't get strung out by the way I look.
Don't judge a book by its cover. {"Price that is!"}
I'm not much of a man by the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover. {"Throw it!"}
{cheer, scream, bow down in praise, etc...}
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania.
Let me show you around
Maybe play you a sound.
You look like you're both pretty groovy.
Or if you want something visual
That's not too abysmal,
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie. {"Who the
fuck is Steve
Reeves?"}
Brad: I'm glad we caught you at home,
Could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
Janet: {echo 'Left'} Right.
Brad: We'll just say where we are,
Then go back into the car. {echo "Fuck in the car!"}
We don't want to be any worry.
Frank: Well you got with a flat, well, {echo} how 'bout
that?
Well, babies, don't you panic.
By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.
I'll get you a satanic mechanic. {"S and M!"}
I'm just a sweet transvestite
{"coochie coochie choochie"}
From Transexual, Transylvania.
Why don't you stay for the night?
Riff Raff: {echo} Night.
Frank: Or maybe a bite?
Columbia: {echo} Bite.
Frank: I could show you my favourite obsession. {"Sex!"}
I've been making a man {"Not him!" or "You call that a
man?"}
With blond hair and a tan {"You call that a tan?"}
And he's good for relieving my... {"Erection!" or
"Sexual!"} ...tension
I'm just a sweet transvestite
{"Check it out!"}
From Transexual, Transylvania.
{echo} HIT IT, HIT IT!
I'm just a sweet transvestite
Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite
Frank: From Transexual,
Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.
Frank: So - come up to the lab,
And see {echo "Fuck"} what's on the slab.
I see you shiver with antici - (3 seconds) {"SAY IT!"} -
pation.
But maybe the rain
Isn't really to blame.
So I'll remove the cause. (chuckles) {"What about the
symptom?"}
But not the symptom.
(applause) (Brad and Janet are given towels and both say
thank you)
{"Janet's on the rag, so is Brad" sung out}
(Columbia and Riff Raff start to undress Brad and Janet)
Janet: Oh! Brad!
Brad: It's all right Janet. We'll play along for now and
pull
out the aces when the time is right. {"Nice Aces!"}
Columbia: Slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush.
Brad: Hi, my name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee,
Janet Weiss; {"Brad, spell 'urinate'!"} you are...
Columbia: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's
laboratory.
Some people would give their right arm for the
priviledge.
{"Take mine!" or "Or their left tit!"}
Brad: People like you maybe.
Columbia: Ha! I've seen it.
(Riff Raff pours wine into a glass, {"Hey Riff, show us
how you
drink"} takes a swig from the bottle, and lets it drop
after
Columbia says "Shift it" {"Drop it!"})
Riff Raff: Come along - the master doesn't like to be
kept waiting.
Columbia: Shift it.
(riff drops the bottle) {"Riff can't hold his liquor"
sung out}
(Janet screeches - the elevator goes up)
Janet: Is he your husband?
Riff Raff: The master is not yet married, nor do I
expect he ever
shall be. We are simply his {"sex slaves"} servants.
Janet: Oh.
(doors open, panning shot of lab) {"It's the Reagan
Cabinet"}
{"sluts first ... Assholes second... Servants, Groupies,
and Weirdos
third, fourth, and fifth" schtick}
Frank: {"What's your favorite color?"} Magenta,
{"Where do you get your pot?"} Columbia, {"Thai's
better"}
go assist Riff Raff. I will entertain ...uh huh huh...
(chuckles)
Brad: Brad Majors. And this is my fiancee, Janet "Vice".
Janet: Weiss.
Brad: Weiss? um
Frank: {"Say something in French"} Enchante.
(Janet giggles)
{"Reunite on ice"}
Frank: Well! how nice. And what charming underclothes
you both have.
But here. Put these (smocks) on. {"and take those off"}
They'll make you feel less {"naked"} vulnerable. {"same
thing"}
It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer
them... hospitality.
{"Get tough, Brad!"}
Brad: Hospitality!? {echo "Horse brutality!?"}
All we asked was to use your telephone,
{start saying "It's" and repeat slowly leading up to "Superasshole"}
Goddammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to
ignore.
Janet: Brad, don't be ungrateful.
Brad: Ungrateful! {when Brad removes his glasses, "It's
Superasshole!"}
Frank: How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect
specimen of manhood.
So... {"Big"} dominant (crowd has flurry of laughs).
You must be awfully proud of him, Janet.
Janet: {"Lie, Janet" or "She doesn't know"} Well, yes I
am. (giggles)
Frank: Do you have any tattoos, Brad?
{"Show him the teddy bear"}
Brad: Certainly not!
Frank: {"Ask Janet"} Oh well, how about you. (to Janet)
{"Show him the anchor"}
Janet: No. (giggling)
Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master{"bater"
repeat when appropriate}.
We merely await your {"erection"} word.
(Frank spills wine on Riff) {"That was my new suit"}
{"That was my only suit"}
{applaud and use noisemakers when appropriate}
{snap glove or clap hands when Frank snaps his gloves}
Frank: Tonight, my unconventional conventionalists...
you are about to
witness a new breakthrough in biochemical {echo "sexual"
over
"chemical"} research... and paradise is to be mine...
It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you get a
break...
whole pieces start to fit into place, not a sign of
being..
what a fool! The answer was there all the time, it took
a small
accident to make it happen... {"An accident?"} AN
ACCIDENT
Magenta & Columbia: An accident!
Frank: And that's how I discovered the secret, that
elusive ingredient,
that SPARK that is the breath of life...
{"Do you have that knowledge?"}
Yes, I have that knowledge... {"Do you know the
secret?"}
I know the secret... {"To life?"} to life... {"Itself?"}
itself!
You are fortunate for tonight is the night that my
beautiful
creature is destined to be BORN!
(Magenta and Columbia take hold of the cloth)
{"Frank, how do you say 'fuck you' in Chinese?"}
Up now!
Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator...
and step the reactor power {echo} THREE MORE POINTS!
(colorful fluids, etc. in order Red, Orange, Yellow,
Green, Blue, Indigo
Violet {identify colors as "Red! ...Orange", etc. } {ask
"Is it soup yet?"
several times, and then, "Now it is!"}
(Rocky emits some gutteral garbage)
Frank: Oh! {echo} Rocky!
THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES
Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head,
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the
thread.
Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery.
Oh, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big
downer.
I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of
bed.
All: That ain't no crime.
Rocky: And left from my dreaming was a feeling of
unnameable dread.
All: That ain't no crime.
Rocky: My high is low, I'm dressed up with no place to
go.
And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big
downer.
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Rocky: Oh ho no no
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Rocky: Oh ho no no
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Rocky: Oh ho no no
Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.
All: That ain't no crime.
Frank: Well really.
Rocky: And I've got the feeling someone's going to be
cutting the thread.
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Rocky: Oh no no no.
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Rocky: Oh no no no.
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Rocky: Oh no no no.
(repeat until end --- Sha-la-la)
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that
ain't no crime,
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that
ain't no crime,
sha-la-la.
Frank: Well really. That's no way to behave on your
first day out.
{"Of the closet!"}
{sing "If you're horny and you know it, clap your bars",
repeat
once, finish with "If you're horny and you know it, and
you really
want to show it, clap your bars, clap your bars, clap
your bars"}
Rocky: Ugh Ugh (forlornly like a puppy dog)
{"forgive him!"}
Frank: But since you're such an exceptional beauty, I am
prepared to
forgive you.
Rocky: Ugh Ugh (applause) (Rocky {and audience} claps
like a child)
Frank: Oh, I just love success.
Riff Raff: He's a credit to your genius, master.
{"that's one"}
Frank: Yes.
Magenta: A triumph of your will.
{"that's two"}
Frank: Yes.
Columbia: He's O.K.
{"O.K.?" or "You blew it bitch, get your tits off my
tank!"}
Frank: o.k. (smack) {"That's no way to kill roaches!"}
O.K.! I think we can do better than that. Humph!
{"Ask Brad and Janet!"} Well, Brad and Janet,
what do you think of him?
{"Lie through your teeth, Janet!"}
Janet: Well, I don't like a man with too many muscles.
{"Obviously" or "It only takes one!" or "Just one BIG
one!"}
Frank: I didn't make him... FOR YOU! {"yeah, but she
gets him anyway"
He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.
I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part I)
Frank: A weakling {"Brad"} weighing ninety-eight pounds
{"Two pounds"}
Will get sand in his face
When kicked to the ground {echo "groin"};
And soon in the gym with a determined chin,
The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause
Will make him glisten
{"What's your favorite toothpaste?"} and gleam.
And with massage, and just a little bit of steam,
{"Go for it!" or "Go for the gold!" followed by...
sing "Missed it, missed it, now you gotta kiss it!"}
He'll be pink and quite clean
He'll be a strong man. Oh honey...
All: But the wrong man. |
