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Weird Websites - Rocky Horror Show - Audience Participation Script (Part 4)

 

Narrator: Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals.
The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man,
and then this meal. However informal it might appear, you can
be sure that there was to be little, bonhommie.

(Dinner is served, the clatter of dishes is heard)
{as Riff rolls out the dinner: "Is it hot?"}
(Riff opens the lid) {"It's hot"}
(The dinner is shown) {"What?!? Meat Loaf?!? Again!"}
(Frank slices it with the slicer)
{"Anyway you slice it, it still comes up meat loaf"}
(Riff and Magenta pour the wine)
{as they get to Dr Scott: "What kind of wine is it?"}
{as it spills: "Must be table wine"}
{as Riff "deals" the meat: "Hey Riff (Raff) deal me a slice",
Throw bologna now!}

{"Hey Rocky, eat like a Marine!" "Use a fork!"}

Frank: A toast {throw TOAST} ...to absent friends...

All: {echo} To absent friends.

Frank: and to Rocky.

{"Hey, this time finish the song, last week you stopped in
the middle."}

(singing w/ Janet, et al)
Happy Birthday to you {"Whew!"}
Happy Birthday to you {"Whew!"}
Happy Birthday dear Rocky... (stops, Janet finishing last)

Shall we?

Dr. Scott: We came here to discuss Eddie.

Columbia: Eddie. (Frank threatens her with the slicer)

Frank: That's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?

{"Brad gets it, Janet gets it, Dr Scott gets it, Rocky doesn't
get it"}

Columbia: Excuse me (Scream on exit)

{"What's the matter Columbia, you've eaten Eddie before?",
as Frank pours the ketchup: "Yeah, but never with ketchup!"}
or, if you prefer...
{"What's the matter? You ate him before - you can eat him again!"
"Yeah, but she didn't swallow last!"}

Dr. Scott: I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I
imagined...Aliens! {"Who the fuck are YOU talking to?", answer
"Who the fuck are WE talking to?"}

Rocky: Ugh? {"Janet"}

Brad: Doctor Scott! {"Janet Brad Rocky Ugh!"}

Frank: Go on, Dr. Scott. Or should I say Dr. Von Scott.

{stand up and put out your arm to say "Seig heil!"}

Brad: Just what exactly are you implying?

Dr. Scott: It's all right!

Brad: Doctor Scott!

Scott: It's all right, Brad.


EDDIE'S TEDDY

From the day he was born {"Not the night, but the day"}
He was trouble. {"With a capital 'T'"}
He was the thorn {"not the rose but the thorn"}
In his mother's side. {echo "ass"... "Not the front, but the side"}
She tried in vain {"Not the artery but the vein"}

Narrator: {"What's HE doing here?"} ...but he never caused her nothing
but shame. {"Shame shame shame shame" with finger motion}

Scott: He left home the day she died.
{"Hit it!"}
From the day she was gone {"Bop shebop bop"}
All he wanted {"The Doctor Scott Rock"}
Was Rock 'n' Roll porn {"Bop shebop bop"}
And a motorbike. {"oooo weee eeee oooo"}
Shooting up junk...

Narrator: {"HIM again!"} He was a low down cheap little punk!
{"Yay Punks!" stand if you like}

Scott: Taking everyone for a ride.

All: When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
You knew he was a no-good kid. {clap clap}
But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife

Frank: What a guy! {echo "What a fag"}

Janet: Makes you cry. {echo "Makes you gag"}

Scott: Und I did. {echo "And I did"}

{clap like you have a set of maracas}

Columbia: Everybody shoved him.
I very nearly loved him.
I said, hey, listen to me;
Stay sane inside insanity!
But he locked the door and threw away the key.

Scott: But he must have been drawn {"With a pencil or a pen"}
Into something, {"What the fuck is a zomething?"}
Making him warn {"Who?"}
Me in a note that reads...

All: {echo} What's it say? What's it say?

Eddie's voice: I'm out of my hed. {"Spelled H - E - D"}
Oh, hurry, or I may be dead. {"Spelled right!"}
They mustn't carry out their evil deeds. {"Scream!"} (scream)

All: When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
You knew he was a no-good kid. {clap clap}
But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife

Frank: What a guy! {echo "What a fag"}

Janet: Makes you cry. {echo "Makes you gag"}

Scott: Und I did. {echo "and I did"}

All: When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
You knew he was a no-good kid. {clap clap}
But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife
{echo "Ball point pen" over "switch-blade knife"}

Frank: What a guy! {"What the fuck is a guy-uuy-uyy?"}

Janet: Makes you cry. {"What does Fat Albert say?"}

Others: Hey, hey, hey.

Scott: Und I did. {"What the fuck is an und?"}

{"Watch this trick!" or better yet....
"Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.
nothin' up my sleeve... Presto!"}

(All scream)

Frank: Rocky! How could you? (slaps Janet) {"The pantyhose were ripped!"}

(general mayhem as Frank chases Janet. Riff and Magenta laugh, until
Riff suddenly says "Shut up!" {which the audience echoes})

WISE UP

I'll tell you once; I won't tell you twice. {hiss on every "ice"}
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
Your apple pie don't taste so nice.
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.

I've laid the seed; it should be all you need.
You're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string.
When we made it, didja hear a bell ring? {ring BELL}

Ya gotta block? Well, take my advice.
You better wise up, Janet Weiss.
The transducer will seduce ya.

Janet: My feet! I can't move my feet!

Scott: My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels!

Brad: It's as if we're glued to the spot!
{echo "My socks! I can't move my socks!"}

Frank: You are! So quake with fear, you tiny fools!

Janet: We're trapped!

Frank: (sung) It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind fuck
can be nice.

Scott: You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine.
This sonic transducer. it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-
physio-molecular transport device?

Brad: {echo} You mean... {"A vibrator!"}

Scott: Yes, Brad, it's something we ourselves have been working on
for quite some time. But it seems our friend here has found
a means of perfecting it. {"A perfect vibrator"}
A device capable of breaking down solid matter an
then projecting it through space and, who knows,
perhaps even time itself. {"A COSMIC vibrator!"}

Janet: You mean he's going to send us to another planet?

Frank: {echo} Planet, shmanet, Janet!
You better wise up, Janet Weiss.
You better wise up, build your thighs up,
You better wise up

Narrator: {echo} And then she cried out...

Janet: Stop! {echo "More!"}

Frank: Don't get hot and flustered!
Use a bit of mustard.

{throw HOTDOGS on 'you're a hotdog!' (optional)}

Brad: You're a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter.

(Freeze - Brad) {"Aces!"}

Scott: You're a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter.

(Freeze - Scott)

Janet: You're a hot dog --

(Freeze - Janet)

Columbia: My God! I can't stand any more of this! First you spurn me
for Eddie, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for
Rocky! You chew people up and then you spit them out again.
I loved you..{"WHAT?"} did you hear me! I loved you!
And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing.
You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and
drain others of their love and emotion. {"Peek a boo!"}
Yeah, well, I've had enough. You're gonna choose between me
and Rocky, so named because of the
rocks in his head. (freeze) {"Lopsided!"} {"It's only a shadow"}

Frank: It's not easy having a good time... (freeze Rocky)
{"turn him around!" or "Now everyone's stoned!"}
...even smiling makes my face ache
{"comes from biting your knuckles!"}
...and my children turn on me
...Rocky's behaving just the way Eddie did
Do you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain
between the two of them?
{"That could be it"}

Magenta: Ahhhh! I grow veary of this vorld! Vhen shall ve return
to Transylvania, huh?

{as Riff turns Magenta towords him: "Going, going,..."}

Frank: Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother
Riff Raff. You have both served me well. Loyalty such as yours
shall not go unrewarded. You will discover that when the mood
takes me, I can be quite generous.

{"She's gone!"}

Magenta: I ask for nothing...nothing.

Frank: {"Will she get it?"} And you shall receive it...in abundance!
{"What does Brad want to do?" or "Frank, what's your favorite
high protein drink?"} Come, we are ready for the floor show!

Narrator: And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed,
had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment
with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott. But it was to be in a
situation which none of them would have possibly forseen.
And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement,
Brad and Janet had both tasted {"Frank N Furter"}
...forbidden fruit. {"Same thing!"} This in itself was proof
that their host was a man of of little morals {"Yay little morals"}
...and some persuasion. {"Yay, some persuasion"} What
further indignities were they to be subjected to?
And what of the floor show that is spoken of? {"What of it?"}
{"Where do you masterbate?"} In an empty house? {"best place!"}
{"When do you masterbate?"} In the middle of the night? {"best time"}
What diabolical plan had seized Frank's crazed imagination?
{"What indeed?"} What indeed? {"my thoughts exactly!"}
From what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be
{"A picnic?"} no picnic. {"Aw!" (dejectedly)}

A. FLOOR SHOW part I

ROSE TINT MY WORLD

(Frank is running around making preparations while the others are
frozen on the stage.) {"Hey Frank, wipe that cum off your face"}

(unfreeze Columbia)
Columbia: It was great when it all began. {"Wiggle wiggle"}
I was a regular Frankie fan.
But it was over when he had the plan
To start a-working on a muscle man.
Now the only thing that gives me hope {"Is smoking dope"}
Is my love of a certain dope.
Rose tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

(Unfreeze - Rocky)

Rocky: I'm just seven hours old, {"And can't dance"}
And truly beautiful to behold.
And somebody should be told {"I can't sing"}
My libido hasn't been controlled.
Now the only thing I've come to trust {"Is Janet's bust"}
Is an orgasmic rush of lust. {"same thing"}
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

(Unfreeze - Brad)

Brad: It's beyond me; help me Mommy!
I'll be good; you'll see.
Take this dream away. {"Just TRY and get rid of it!"}
What's this? {"the floor"} Let's see,
I feel cute!
What's come over me? {"Frank N Furter"}
Wo! Here it comes again.

(unfreeze - Janet)

Janet: I feel released; bad times decrease.
My confidence has increased; reality is here.
The game has been disbanded; my mind has been expanded.
It's a gas that Frankie's landed!
His lust is so sincere.

FLOOR SHOW part II

(Fanfare and RKO logo appears)
{"What the fuck is a radio picture?"}
{answer: "It's a picture of radio, what else?"}

DON'T DREAM IT

Frank: Whatever happened to Fay Wray? {"She went ape-shit!" or
"She got fucked by a forty foot ape"}
That delicate, satin-draped frame?
As it clung to her thigh {"What? the ape-shit?"}
How I started to cry {"Why?" or "You'd cry too if you were
fucked by a forty foot ape"}
'cause I wanted to be dressed just the same. {"But you are!"}

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.
Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever.
Can't you just see it? Oh, oh, oh.

{if you're up to it, have an orgy in the aisles}

Don't dream it, be it. (four times)

All: Don't dream it, be it. (twelve times)

{"Use the force!"}
(Unfreeze - Scott. In on sixth time) {"Who did that!"}

Scott: Ach! {"Tung!"} We've got to get {"the fuck"} out of this trap
before this decadence {"Yay decadence!"} saps our wills.
{"It's too late!"} I've got to be strong, and try to
hang on, or else my mind may well {snap} snap and my life
will be lived {"in a wheelchair"} ...for the thrills!

Brad: It's beyond me; help me Mommy! {"Somebody shut him up!"
or "That's not your Mommy!"}

Janet: God bless Lilly St. Cyr.

FLOOR SHOW part III

WILD AND UNTAMED THING

Frank: My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my!
I'm a wild and an untamed thing.
I'm a bee with a deadly sting.
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

{"One two three four"}

All: We're a wild and an untamed thing.
We're bees with a deadly sting.
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, it's all over.
Your mission is a failure;
Your lifestyle's too extreme.
I'm your new commander;
You now are my prisoner.
We return to Transylvania.
Prepare the transit beam.

Frank: {"Wait!"} Wait! {"Can you explain?"} I can explain!
{"It better be better than last week's"}

I'M GOING HOME
{"And now, for one night, and one night only, Alfalfa's shadow"}

Frank: On the day I went away...

All: Goodbye...

Frank: Was all I had to say...

All: Now I...

Frank: I want to come again, and stay.

All: Oh, my, my...

Frank: Smile, and that will mean I may.
'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize, I'm going home.

All: I'm going home.

{"Stoned again!"}
(Magenta yawns) {"Bitch!"}
{"Where do you masterbate (fuck)?"}

Frank: Everywhere {"How's it been each time?"} it's been the same...

All: ...feeling...
{"What's it like when Brad cums in your face?"}

Frank: ...like I'm outside in the rain...

All: ...wheeling...
{"How much do you charge for a fuck?"}

Frank: ...free {"I'll take two to go please"} to try and find a game...

All: ...dealing...

{When you see the Betty Ford look alikes...
"It's Betty Ford! And that isn't Gerry! Look, it's another
Betty Ford, it's a Betty Ford convention"}

Frank: ...cards for sorrow, cards for pain. {throw CARDS}
'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize, I'm going home.

Frank & All: I'm going home. (3 times)

{"It's the NBC Peacock"}
(applause, then audience dissapears)

{"You blew it!, Look it's a Menudo concert!"}

Magenta: How sentimental. {"Insensitive bitch!"}

Riff Raff: And also presumptuous of you. You see, when I said WE were
to return to Transylvania, I referred only to Magenta
{"Magenta, not Magenter!"} and myself.
I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but you see,
you are to remain here, in spirit, anyway.

Scott: Great heavens! That's a laser!

Riff Raff: Yes, Dr. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure
anti-matter. {"Then it's not a laser!" or "It doesn't matter
anyway"}

Brad: You mean...you're going to kill him? What's his crime?

Scott: You saw what became of Eddie. Society must be protected.
{"Fuck society!"}

Riff Raff: Exactly, Dr. Scott. And now, Frank N Furter, your time has
come. Say goodbye to all of this, {"Goodbye, all of this"}
and hello {"Hello"} to oblivion.
{"Hello, oblivion. How's the wife and kids?"}

{"First one to scream gets it in the tits!"}
(Columbia screams - gets zapped)
{"Oh shit, it works!"}
(Frank tries to escape by climbing the curtain)
(Frank screams - gets zapped, falls)
{"Curtain, thank you. Rope please! Thank you!"}

(Rocky moans over Frank's body - gets zap, zap, zap, zapped
as he climbs the RKO set - falls to his death into the pool)
{blow WHISTLE "All right, YOU TWO, out of the pool"}

Janet: Oh! You killed them!

Magenta: But I thought you liked them. They liked you.

{"Get paranoid!"}
Riff Raff: They didn't like me! He never liked ME!

Scott: You did right. {"SHOOT HIM!!!" or chant "(Doctor) Scott must
be shot!"}

Riff Raff: A decision had to be made.

Scott: You're O.K. by me. {"Kiss ass!"} (note: READ THE MOVIE SCRIPT)

Riff Raff: Dr. Scott, I'm sorry about your {"sexlife"} nephew.

Scott: Eddie? {"No, Blanche!"}
Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh.

Riff: You should leave now, Dr. Scott, while it is still possible.
We are about to beam the entire house to the planet Transexual,
in the galaxy of Transylvania {"In the city of San Francisco"}.
Go... {"When?"} Now.

{sing "Roll out the cripple, and we'll have a cripple of fun"}

Our mission is completed, my most {"ugly"} beautiful sister,
and soon we shall return to {the moon-drenched shores of our
beloved planet}. {"Oh no! She's going to sing." Howl like a dog}

(castle blasts off)

} SUPER HEROES
}
}Brad: I've done a lot; God knows I've tried
} To find the truth. I've even lied.
} But all I know is down inside
}
}All: I'm bleeding...
}
}Janet: And super heroes come to the feast
} To taste the flesh not yet deceased.
} And all I know is still the beast
}
}All: Is feeding...)
} Ahh, ahh... (etc.)
}
} {"Hey Brad, can you do the Backstroke? What about the Australian c

{go up to screen and start "spinning" it}
{"Stop the world, I want to get off!" "Splat! You just killed
over a billion people!"}

Narrator: And crawling {"where?"} on the planet's face
Some insects {"what're they called?"} called the human race...
Lost in time
{"What's your favorite TV show?"} And lost in space
{"like your neck!" or "Danger danger Will Robinson"}
And meaning.

{"Don't forget to turn off the globe"}

All: Meaning. {"You forgot to turn off the globe"}

} (SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE - REPRISE)
}
}
}Usherette: Science Fiction
} Double Feature.
} Frank has built and
} Lost his creature.
} Darkness has conquered
} Brad and Janet.
} The servants gone to
} A distant planet.
} Wo, oh, oh, oh.
} At the late night, double feature,
} Picture show.
} I want to go, oh, oh, oh.
} To the late night, double feature,
} Picture show.

 

 

 

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