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All males over the age 14 must carry out 2 or so
hours of longbow practice a week supervised by
the local clergy. |
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Any Chav with more than 5 ASBOs must return home
by 8 pm each evening. |
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Blackpool: It is an offence to fall off the top
of Blackpool Tower - under any circumstance. |
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Brighton: It's illegal to have sex under the
pier while Morris Dancing. |
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By law all female Chavs must wear extremely
short skirts, skin tight tshirts and torn black
tights. |
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Chester: You may only shoot a Welsh person with
a bow and arrow inside the city walls and after
midnight. |
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Committing suicide is classified as a capital
offence |
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Freemen of the city of London (Those who have
had the honour of the freedom of the city
bestowed upon them) have the right to herd their
cattle on any of London's bridges. |
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If a steam locomotive is driven on roads, a man
must walk in front of the vehicle with a red
flag during the day and a red lantern at night
to warn passers-by. |
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Interfering with the mail or sleeping with the
consort of the Queen is classed as treason, and
as such, carries the death penalty. |
|
It is a treasonable offence to make any
suggestions that the Monarchy were in any way
involved in the death of Princess Diana. |
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It is against the law to hang a bed out of a
window. |
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It is against the lay to eat Manchester United
supporters unless they have consumed more than
10 pints of lager. |
|
It is against the law for a Chav to Morris
Dance. |
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It is an offence for any boy under the age of 10
to see a naked mannequin. |
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It is forbidden by law to ask a Scotsman what he
wears under his kilt. |
|
It is illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on a
public conveyance. |
|
It is illegal for a Member of Parliament to
enter the House of Commons wearing a full suit
of armour. |
|
It is illegal for two adult men to have sex in
the spresence of a third person. |
|
It is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises
(such as a pub or bar). |
|
It is illegal to die in the Houses of
Parliament. |
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It is illegal to leave baggage unattended. (Yeah
- it will get stolen.) |
|
It is legal for a male to urinate in public,
provided it's onto a rear wheel of his vehicle
and his right hand is on the vehicle. |
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It's illegal to impersonate a Chelsea
Pensioner. |
|
Liverpool: It is illegal for a woman to be
topless in public unless she is an assistant in
a tropical fish store. |
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London Hackney Carriages (taxis) must carry a
bale of hay and a sack of oats. |
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London: By law all double-decker buses must be
painted red. |
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London: Companies may vote in local elections. |
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London: It is illegal to flag down a taxi if you
have the plague. |
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Mince pies must not be eaten on Christmas Day. |
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Morris Dancers must, by law, apologise for their
stupidity. |
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On the call 'Bring out your dead' any family
member who has died from the Black Plague must
immediately be removed from the house to be
carted away. |
|
Picking up abandoned baggage is an act of
terrorism. (And theft.) |
|
Placing a postage stamp upside down on a letter
is an act of treason. (As all stamps have a
portrait of the king or queen on them.) |
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Steam locomotives are restricted to a speed of 4
mph on roads. |
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With the exception of carrots, most goods may
not be sold on a Sunday. |
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York : It is legal to shoot a Scotsman with a
bow and arrow except on Sundays. |
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You may not make love in public. (Making plastic
model boats is okay.) |
