alphabet of Divorce
A is for
Alimony … the gift that keeps on giving.
B is for Balls … which are now ours again.
C is for Court … where you finally find out the meaning
of a good screw.
D is for Divorce … the alternative to ax murder.
E is for Equitable Distribution … another oxymoron.
F is for Flatulence … finally we can let loose without
being criticized for causing the flowers to wilt.
G is for Gandhi…someone you could actually say had lost
weight without having to lie.
H is for House … which the bitch also got.
I is for Inmate … where you also get to room with Bubba
when the child support is late.
J is for Jewelry … the former great equalizer.
K is for Kids … the best of everything.
L is for Lawyer … whose most recent vacation you just
M is for Mother … and Oh what a Mother F**ker!!
N is for Not tonight, I have a headache.
O is for Overdrawn … what your checking account always
P is for PMS … what we say: “No, honey, you don’t look
like you’re retaining water.” …what we mean, “No wonder
there’s a citywide drought.”
Q is for Quarter … what YOU get for each dollar SHE
R is for Rehearsal Dinner … should never have stayed for
S is for Sex … thank goodness she rolled in her sleep.
T is for Throat … the anatomic area she goes for in the
U is for UPS … the delivery guy you are on a first name
basis with, and who spent more time at your house than
V is for Visa … one of several cards she maxed out.
W is for Wrong … which you always were.
X is for X chromosome … I swear some women have more
Y is for Yacht … maybe the next guy will have one.
Z is for Zirconium … I wonder if she ever figured out
that all her diamonds were Cubic Zirconium.
<< Now check out our 100 other wedding and marriage jokes (many are perfect for those best man and bridegroom speeches) >>