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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 103

 

Returning Equipment

As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season.

When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area.

I heard one man say to his wife, 'Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist.'


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Sales Practice

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.

The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.

“Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her
if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes.’ Then I asked her ‘Why?’ She replied, ‘Because I love you.’”


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Kill a man

How can you kill a man?
Put a blonde and a pickup truck in front of him and tell him he can
pick one.



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Diagnosis

One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor said, 'Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.'

Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, 'Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?'

The doctor replied, 'You're not drinking enough water.'


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The Execution

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.

As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, 'Head up or head down?'

'Head up,' said the doctor.

'Blindfold or no blindfold?'

'No blindfold.'

So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine.

'Head up or head down?' said the executioner.

'Head up.'

'Blindfold or no blindfold?'

 

 

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