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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 104

 

Affection

Do you know what it means to come home to a man who'll give you a
little love, a little affection, a little tenderness?
It means you're in the wrong house.



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Letters of Recommendation

HE PROBLEM
Having to write letters of recommendation for people with very dubious qualifications can cause serious legal troubles in a time when laws have eroded the confidentiality of business letters. In most states, job applicants have the right to read the letters of recommendations and can even file suit against the writer if the contents are negative.

THE SOLUTION
Here is an arsenal of statements that can be read two ways: You are able to state a negative opinion of the ex-employees poor work habits, while allowing the ex-employee to believe that it is high praise. When the writer uses these, whether perceived correctly or not by the ex-employee, the phrases are virtually litigation-proof.

1. To describe a person who is extremely lazy:
'In my opinion,' you say as sincerely as you can manage, 'you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you.'

2. To describe a person who is totally inept:
'I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.'

3. To describe an ex-employee who had problems getting along with fellow
workers:
'I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine.'

4. To describe a candidate who is so unproductive that the job would be better left unfilled:
'I can assure you that no person would be better for the job.'

5. To describe a job applicant who is not worth further consideration:
'I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment.'

6. To describe a person with lackluster credentials:
'All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly.'


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The boss called an employee into the office…

The boss called one of his employees into the office. “Rob,” he said, “you've
been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?”

“Thanks,” said the employee.

“Thanks?” the boss replied. “Is that all you can say?”

“I suppose not,” the employee said. “Thanks, Dad.”


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Three Question

This simple three question test illustrates how often Bill Clinton must be telling lies.

1. Is the Pope catholic?
2. Does Windows have bugs?
3. Does Clinton lie?


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Sports Car

What's the difference between a man and a sports car?
you see alot of cute sports cars.

 

 

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