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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 105

 

Presidential watch

A man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called 'the George Bush Watch' and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says--'you are suppose to read his lips'.

He then looks at a watch called the 'Ross Perot Watch' and notices that it isn't running - the sales clerk tells him 'it runs, it doesn't run, it runs, it doesn't run . . .'

He then notices a watch called the 'Bill Clinton Watch' and sees that it runs, has hands and looks like a pretty good watch. He asks the sales clerk how much. The sales clerk replies '$19.95 plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax . . .'



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Expensive Operation

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So she called the doctor one morning and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her 'suffering.'

'Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.'

'My goodness!' the woman exclaimed, 'it sounds like leasing a new sports car!'

'Humm,' the doctor murmured, 'too obvious, huh?'


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Strike

'Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.'


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Retail Experience

Rossi was the manager of an upscale men's wear store in a wealthy section of town and was interviewing Abe for the recently advertised salesman role.

Rossi looks at Abe's resume and notices that Abe has never worked in retail before.

Rossi says to Abe, 'What chutzpah, if you don't mind me saying. For someone with no retail experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary.'

'Well I suppose I am,' Abe replies, 'but you must understand that the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing.'


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New Model Bathroom Scale

The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new model being introduced
at the trade fair. “Listen to these features it's calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and that's not all...”

“Very impressive,” interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep for a chain of home furnishings stores, “but before I place an order I'll have to try it out.”

“Be my guest,” said the manufacturer graciously.

No sooner had the sales rep taken his place on the scale than a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth, “One at a time, please, one at a time!”

 

 

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