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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 107

 

World happier

Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.

Bill: 'Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy.'

Hillary: 'Well, why don't you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy.'

Al: 'Why don't you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy.'

Tipper: 'Why don't we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy.'


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769 green peas


Chelsea asks Hillary, 'Mom, what did You have at the state dinner ?'
'Some beef, asparagus, and 769 green peas.'
'Don't bullshit me mom, when did You count the peas ?'
'When Your father was giving his speech.'


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Wizard of Oz

President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival, they were brought to see him.

First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, 'Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart'. So the Wizard said, 'So be it'.

Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, 'People think I'm unintelligent and have no common sense whatsoever. I want a brain. The Wizard said, 'So be it'.

Third to ask the Wizard was Ross Perot. 'People say I have no confidence, and I lack conviction. I wish to have some courage'. The Wizard granted this wish as well.

And then Bill Clinton approached the Wizard. The Wizard looked at him and said, 'Well, what do you want?' To which Clinton replied, 'I'm here for Dorothy!'


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Full of shit

Q: Why do women work harder than men?
A: Women get it done right the first time.

Q: Why is a man like a diaper?
A: because they are always on your ass, and they are usually full of shit.


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Bet At Bar

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. 'I'll bet you $10 he'll jump,' said the first guy. 'Bet you $10 he won't,' said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.

'I can't take your money,' said the first guy. 'I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news.' 'No, no. Take it,' said the second guy. 'I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!'

 

 

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