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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 108

 

Early morning jogs

The Secret Service has been worried by Bill Clinton's practice of taking early morning jogs. They got a real scare the other day when somebody threw a beer at the president. Fortunately, it turned out to have been a draft, and Clinton was able to dodge it.


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Bar Files

An Englishman, American, and Irishman, all walk into a bar and order a beer. The bartender hands them there beer, however there are flies in each mug of beer.

Well the Englishman pushes the beer aside and says, 'That's disgusting.'

The American pulls the fly out and starts drinking the beer.

The Irishman pulls the fly out, sets it on the counter and shouts, 'SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD.'


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You told her what?

A woman went to doctors office where she was seen by one of the new doctors. After about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down in another room and told her to relax. The older doctor marched down hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, 'What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?'

The new doctor calmly continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, 'Does she still have the hiccups?'


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Dogs Not Allowed

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says 'You can't bring that dog in here!' The guy, without missing a beat, says 'This is my seeing-eye dog.' 'Oh man, ' the bartender says, 'I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me.' The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says 'You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog.' The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says 'Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!'

The second man replies 'This is my seeing-eye dog.' The bartender says, 'No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs.' The man pauses for a half-second and replies 'What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?'


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Beer bottles

what do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

 

 

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