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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 80

 

Monkey In a Bar

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.

The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says 'Do you know your monkey stole my beer.' The pianist replies 'No, but if you hum it, I'll play it.'


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BRAIN SURGERY

A man went in for a Brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon. He could choose either the Architect's brain which would cost him 10,000 or the Politician's which was 100,000.

'Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than the Architect's?' exclaimed the clearly puzzled man.

'not exactly' replied the surgeon, 'the politician's has never been used.'


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Bob's Bar

A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful.

'Whoa, Sam!' said the bartender. 'Who gave those beauties to you?'

'Nobody gave them to me,' said Sam. 'I had to fight like crazy for both of them.'


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Nostrils

Why do men have such big nostrils?
Just look at the size of their fingers.



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I only ordered

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.

The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

 

 

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