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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 83

 

Tip Top Shape

A 60-year-old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, 'You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35-year-old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?'

The 60-year-old responded, 'Did I say he was dead?'

The doctor was surprised and asked, 'How old is he and is he very active?'

The 60-year-old responded, 'Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer.'

The doctor couldn't believe it. So, he asked, 'Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?'

The 60-year-old responded again, 'Did I say he was dead?'

The doctor was astonished. He said, 'You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?'

The 60-year-old said, 'He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that,' said the patient, 'my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again.'

The doctor said, 'At 106-years, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?'

His patient looked up at the doctor and said, 'Did I say he wanted to?'


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What It Means

Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.

She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy.

'My,' said the census taker, 'that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?'

'Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anaesthesiologist!'



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Civil Wars

After agonizing for several days over the situation in former Yugoslavia where ethnic Serbs, Bosnians, and Muslims are engaged in a fierce and bloody civil war, President Clinton today announced that he is strongly in favor of diversity.



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Goldilocks And The Three Bears

What did the woodcutter's wife say to her husband in December?
Not many chopping days left until Christmas!


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Old Grudges

There was a Jew and a Chinese sitting at the bar drinking. All of a sudden the Jew turns and punches the Chinese in the face knocking him off his stool, stunned the Chinese gets up and says, 'What the hell was that for?'
The Jew replies, 'That was for Pearl Harbor.'

The Chinese says, 'That was the Japanese, I'm Chinese.'

The Jew says, 'well you have black hair squinted eyes and buckteeth, it's all the same to me.'

The Chinese says 'Okay' and sits on his stool and continues drinking.

About a half hour later the Chinese turns and punches the Jew in the face knocking him off his stool, the Jew gets up and says, 'What the hell was that for?'

The Chinese says 'That was for the Titanic.'

The Jew replies, 'The Titanic? That was an Iceberg.'

The Chinese says, 'Iceberg, Goldberg, Steinberg, it's all the same to me.'

 

 

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