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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 85

 

It's a very simple operation

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, 'What's the matter?'

He said, 'I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.''

'She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?'

'She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!'


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Robin Hood

What did Robin say when he nearly got hit at the archery contest?
'That was an arrow escape!'
What has two holes for the eyes and a slit for the beak?
A Robin Hood!


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Free puppy

The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had.

He goes up to the girl and says, 'Little girl, I think that it's wonderful that you're doing such a good thing.'

The little girl says, 'Thank you, Mr. Clinton. Would you like a puppy? They're Democrats.'

Bill declines and jogs onward. The next day Billy jogs past the same girl and decides to talk to her again. 'You know what, little girl? I think I'll take one of those puppies after all, seeing as how they're Democrats.'

The girl says, 'I'm sorry Mr. Clinton, but they're not Democrats any more. They're Republican now.'

Bill says, 'They are? How do you know? As a matter of fact, how did you know that they were Democrats at first to begin with?'

She says, 'Well, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open.'


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Smoke Detector

The smoke detector industry is covering up research showing more people are injured every year falling from ladders and stepstools while trying to replace smoke detector batteries than are injured in house fires.


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Twelve goes to a bar

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

'Sorry I can't serve you,' states the barman.

'Why not?!' asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

'You're under 18,' replies the barman.

 

 

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