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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 88

 

Hear a man

What are three little words you'll never hear a man say?
'Can I help?'




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Mermaid

What is a mermaid's favourite song?
Salmon-chanted Evening!
What names do mermaids have?
How about Water-Lily? Or Coral?
Maybe Michelle, as that can be shortened to Shell!
Which part of a mermaid weighs the most?
The scales!


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Finding the approval ratings for unemployment

For the past three years, the government has worked hard and spent many tax dollars to find the approval ratings for unemployment.

They have concluded that a 7% unemployment level is acceptable to 93% of the working population.

Now let's just hope that the unemployment rate doesn't change.


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The Gay Bar

A guy walks into a bar.

He asks the bartender for a shot of whiskey.

The bartender asks 'Why?' The guy responds and says 'I got my first blow.'

The bartender says 'In that case I'll give you two shots of whiskey.'

The guy says 'No, I just want one to get the taste out of my mouth.'


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Florida Election Commission

10. 'The first vote goes to Gore...call CNN and tell them Gore won.'

9. 'Wait, if my wet laundry is in the ballot box...oh my god! Stop the dryer!'

8. 'If someone voted for 'the jerk,' do I give it to Gore or Bush?'

7. 'Let's be extra careful, because every single vote counts...ha, ha, ha, ha, just kidding!'

6. '120... 121... 122! Yes! I'm the ballot-eating champion!'

5. 'This is much easier than my last job designing tires for Firestone'

4. 'America must never know Ralph Nader actually won the election'

3. 'Discard all these votes for Bush -- they're obviously left over from 1992'

2. 'I'm sure gonna miss you guys when this is over. If only there was a way to make it last a few more days...'

1. 'Heads Bush... Tails Gore'

 

 

<< Now check out out 1000s of other jokes >>

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