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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 91

 

Like My Wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, 'I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.'

'Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!' she screamed.

'Funny,' he muttered, 'you even sound exactly like her.'


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Blind Man

A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around.

The bartender speaks up and says 'Hey what the hell are you doing?'

The blind man says, 'Just taking a look around..'


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Sinbad

What did Sindbad eat when he was washed up on a desert island?
He ate all the sand which is there. (Sandwiches!)
Why did Sindbad carry a compass?
So that he knew if he was coming or going!
Why didn't the Captain get his hair wet?
He was bald!


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Sit-ups

How do you force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his legs.



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Universal Time

A customer calls the round-the-clock tech support hotline to ask what hours the call center is open.

'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week,' says the technician who answers the call.

Customer asks, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?'

 

 

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