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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 93

 

Buy a frog

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, 'If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?' The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, 'If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?' The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. 'Sorry,' the man replies, 'he's not for sale.' The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. 'No,' he insists, 'he's not for sale.' The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

'Are you insane?' the bartender demanded. 'That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!' 'Don't worry about it.' the man answered. 'The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist.'


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Blonde Jokes

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.



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Tyson Foods visits the Pope

A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, “Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread....’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’ we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church.”

The Pope responds saying, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.”

“Well,” says the Tyson man, “we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread....’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’”

Again, the Pope replies, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.”

Finally, the Tyson guy says, “This is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer
from ‘give us this day our daily bread...’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’” and he leaves.

The next day, the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals to say that he has good news and bad news. “The good news is that the Church has come into $5 billion.”

“The bad news is that we are losing the Wonder Bread Account.”


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Penguin walks into a bar

A penguin walks into a bar, he goes to the counter and asks the barman 'Have you seen my brother?'.

The barman asks 'What does he look like?'.


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Unscheduled Outage

It's thunderstorm season and when the power goes out at one branch office, the uninterruptible power supplies kick in, everything gracefully shuts down, and the technician waits for power to return. And waits. And waits.

'Late evening sees the power restored, and we go about bringing the network back to life,' says the tech.

Next morning, the phone rings. It's a very irate corporate administrator wanting to know why we had an unscheduled outage the day before. The tech calmly explain about the storm, which he had no control over.

The Administrator's response? 'Next time, put it on the schedule before you have an unexpected outage!'

 

 

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