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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 52

 

Fee Surprise

Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done.

As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place.

The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract.

I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van.

I told them my fee: $45.


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Lady Hilary Clinton

The first ladies of UK, Russia and France were
having a meeting with Lady Hilary Clinton. The subject of discussion
was the penis of their respective spouse. The first lady of UK says,
'It is like a gentle man- it stands up, as soon as I enter the
room' The lady from Russia says, 'It is like an army
officer- you do not know where he will attack from- front or
back..' The French lady says, 'It is like the screen in
the auditorium- once the act is performed, it drops down...'
Then Hilary says, 'It's like a rumour... it moves from one
mouth to another...'


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Goldilocks And The Three Bears

Why weren't the porridge bowls round?
Because porridge is a square meal!


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A Texas millionaire

A Texas millionaire had fallen ill. The doctors consulted did not seem to understand what ailed him. The millionaire let it be known that any doctor who could heal him could have whatever he desired.

A country doctor was finally able to cure him, and as the doctor was leaving after a week's stay, the Texan said, 'Doc! I am a man of my word. You name it, and if it is humanly possible I'll get it for you.'

'Well,' said the doctor, 'I love to play golf, so if I could have a matching set of golf clubs, that would be fine.' With that the physician left.

The doctor didn't hear from the Texan millionaire for some months. Then, one day, he got a phone call from the millionaire.

'Doc, I bet you thought that I had gone back on my word. I have your matching set of golf clubs. The reason it took so long is that two of them didn't have swimming pools, and I didn't think they were good enough for ya. So I had pools installed and they're all ready for you now!'


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Rumpelstiltskin

Why did Rumpelstiltskin get so angry when the princess guessed his name?
Because being angry was all the rage!

 

 

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