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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 55

 

LANDS A ROLE IN STAR WARS

'Who knew the Jedi Mind Trick could work on 250 million people all at once?'

'She's my sister?!? Well, back on my home planet of Arkansas, that ain't an obstacle!'

'Luke, I am your father. Obi-Wan, I'm your father, too. And that Queen chick? I'm her daddy for sure. And Leia's. And Lando's, and Boba Fett's, and Jabba the Hutt's, and Chewie's, and...'

'Wretched hive of scum and villainy? Woo-hoo, count me in!'

'I did not have sexual relations with that wookie, Ms. Chewinsky.'

'Oh-h-h, you're looking for a little *WOOKIE*... Well, that's different.'

'Cholesterol does not concern me, Admiral. I want that Big Mac -- not excuses.'

'I think the American people would like a little more bass in my theme music.'

'Well, it depends on your definition of 'father', Luke.'

'Sorry about that lightsaber, Sugar. Just consider it laser dental work.'

'Dispose of that troublesome young Jedi, Vince Skyfoster -- and make it look like a suicide.'

'These are not the droids you're looking for, Ma'am. Say, it's getting hot in here -- you might want to take off your top.'

'I *absolutely* support the use of droids in the military... Okay, now I don't.'

'It's a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away -- and I'm still a lyin' weasel.'


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Without a brain

7. How long can a man live without a brain?
Depends. How old's your husband?



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Men get married

Why do men get married.
Because Mom won't put up with their shit anymore.



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Man and yogurt

What's the difference between a man and yogurt?
Yogurt has culture.


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Election Signs and Bumper Stickers

'Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes
decide everything.' -Joseph Stalin (Bush campaign advisor)

My parents retired to Florida and all I got was this lousy President

Disney gave us Mickey, Florida gave us Dumbo

Don't throw away your vote........let Katherine Harris do it for you.

One person, one vote (may not apply in certain states)

Who is this Chad guy and why is he pregnant.

Bush trusts the people, but not if it involves counting.

To you I'm a drunk driver; to my friends, I'm presidential material!

I didn't vote for his daddy either.

It ain't over till your brother counts the votes.

The election can't be broken. We just fixed it.

Banana Republicans

The Bush Administration - Taxpayer Supported Organized Crime
(LV)

George W. Bush: The President Quayle We Never Had

Campaign spending: $184,000,000.
Having your little brother rig the election for you: Priceless.

 

 

<< Now check out out 1000s of other jokes >>

More - JOKES

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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