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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 67


Jack And The Beanstalk

On which side of the house did Jack grow the beans?
On the outside!
The giant could smell an Englishman a mile away, so he knew that there was an intruder in the castle. The gates were locked, so how had Jack got inside?
Intruder window!

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Automated Phone Call

As an administrative assistant at a chiropractic office, I called an insurance company to verify benefits for a patient. Although the call was important, I couldn't reach a human being, only a recording.

'Thank you for calling,' said the message. 'Our office will be closed until two o'clock as we enjoy our Customer Appreciation Week Celebration.'

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I'll take care of expenses

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

'But how will I let you know the baby is born?' she asked.

He replied, 'Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses.' Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, 'Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means.'

The doctor said, 'Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.'

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read: 'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without.'

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Wife is not speaking

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

'What's the matter?' the bartender asks.

'My wife and I got into a fight,' explained the guy 'and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days.'

The bartender thought about this for a while. 'But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?' asked the bartender.

'Yeah, except today is the last night.'

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Little Woman

What's the definition of a bad date?
He excuses himself to go call the 'little woman.'



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