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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 69

 

Loud Music

A guy walks into a bar where there is loud music playing. He spots a pretty girl at the end of the bar and approaches her. He says 'Would you like to dance?' and she replies 'I really don't like this song. And even if I did I wouldn't dance with you.' To which the guy replies 'I don't think you heard me correctly. I said you look fat in those pants.'


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Why did he fire you?

Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, 'Say, why did the foreman fire you?'

Replied the second, 'Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman.'


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Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down for a couple of beers. A few minutes later, a lanky, bow-legged cowboy walked in and said, 'Who owns the big white horse outside?'

'I do', the Lone Ranger replied. 'Why?'

The cowboy drawled, 'You better take care of him. Hes almost dead from the heat.'

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and found Silver leaning against the hitching post, panting. They got him some water and soon Silver was looking better, but he was still panting.

The Lone Ranger said, 'Tonto, run around Silver as fast as you can and see if the breeze makes him feel any better.

Tonto replied, 'Sure, Kemosabe,' and began running around and around Silver. The Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his beer.

A few minutes later, another cowboy came into the bar and drawled, 'Who owns that big white horse outside?'

'I do,' the Lone Ranger said, 'What's wrong with him this time?'

'Nothin',' the cowboy said, 'But you left your Injun runnin'.'


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Gimme a Little Head

A man walks into a bar and sees a man with a tiny head about the size of an orange.

He asks the bartender what had happened to the man.

The bartender says, 'Well, he was on a beach and saw a beautiful mermaid.'

'The mermaid swam up to him and offered him a single wish.'

Unfortunatly, the man replied 'How about a little head?'


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Aladdin

Aladdin: Get me a fur coat.
Genie: What fur?
Aladdin: Fur to keep me warm, that's what fur!

As a child, the wicked magician always wanted to saw people in half.
Was he an only child?
No, he had lots of half-brothers and sisters!

Do you know what's inside Aladdin's lamp?
It would take a genie-us to find out!

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Aladdin.
Aladdin who?
A lad in the street who wants to come in!

What did Aladdin do when he lost his lamp?
He used a candle instead!

What did Aladdin's lamp say?
'You turn me on!'

What does a magician like to keep up his sleeve?
His arm!

What kind of pet did Aladdin have?
A flying car-pet!

Why did Aladdin's lamp hum?
Because the genie inside it didn 't know the words

 

 

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