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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 101

 

Try to prove a point

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says 'I want you to see this.' She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, 'what do you have to say about this experiment?'

He responds by saying: 'If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!'


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I get so drunk

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, 'What do you have in there, pal?'

'A mongoose.'

'What for?'

'Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection.'

'But,' the friend said, 'you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes.'

'That's okay,' said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, 'So is the mongoose.'


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Robin Hood

What is Robin Hood's favourite radio programme?
The Archers!
Where did Robin's Merry Men go to buy their sweets?
The Friar's Tuck-shop!
Why couldn't Robin Hood hit the target?
Because his arrows were all in a quiver!


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Reelection

Q: Why did the candidate stand for reelection?
A: Hemorrhoids


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High Blood Pressure

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, 'High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.'

'Your mother's side or your father's?' I asked.

'Neither,' he replied. 'It's from my wife's family.'

'Oh, come now,' I said. 'How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?'

He sighed. 'You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!'

 

 

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