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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 58

 

Convenience Store

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, 'Do you have any small note-books?'

'Sorry,' says the manager. 'We're all out.'

The woman shrugs, and asks, 'Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?'

'Nope, don't have that either,' says the manager.

The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, 'Do you have Doritos? Nachos?'

The manager shrugs, 'Sorry.'

'Hmmph. How about Chapstick?' says the woman.

'Nope. Don't have that.'

'Wow!' the woman shouts, 'If you don't have anything, you should close the stupid store!'

The manager shrugs, 'Don't have the key.'


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Behind Schedule

The program manager couldn't grasp the idea of gathering requirements at the start of a project. 'At a project kickoff meeting, which he had neglected to actually invite the customer to, we had a lot of discussion around what the software we were creating was supposed to do,' says a programmer on the team. 'I suggested putting together a requirements teleconference with the customer to clarify their ideas and goals.' PM's response? 'I was told we were already behind schedule and didn't have time to meet with the customer.'


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15 years

Why will there be a rash of divorces in about 15 years?
Because that's how long it will take for most husbands to get most of
these jokes.



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New Dictionary

While I was employed by a private corporation and assigned to the space-shuttle program, my job included ordering supples. One of the engineers asked me to get a new dictionary for him. The request form said, 'State reason this item is needed,' so I asked him why he wanted one.

I expected his answer would be 'My old copy is lost' or 'The cover is falling off.' Instead he replied, 'My edition defines spaceship as an 'imaginary aircraft.'' He got his new dictionary.


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Someone stole things

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. 'They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator,' he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. 'Never mind,' he said with a hiccup, 'I got in the back seat by mistake.'

 

 

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