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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 60

 

How can you tell

'Well, he's obviously a sincere man,' said the first woman.
'How can you tell?'
'Who would pretend to act like an asshole?'



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Dog that growls every

Why do I need a husband? I already have a dog that growls every
morning, a parrot that swears every afternoon, and a cat that
comes home late at night.



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Little Tin Soldier

The little tin soldier had been in the army ever since he was a tiny baby.
He was in the infantry!
Which dance did the little tin soldier take the paper ballerina to?
The Cannon Ball!
Why did the little tin soldier stand on one leg?
Because if he lifted it up he'd fall over!


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Bad Leg

A man goes into the doctor.

He says, 'Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!'

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh, only to hear, 'Gimme 20 bucks. I really need 20 bucks.'

'I've never seen or heard anything like this before. How long has this been going on?' The doctor asked.

'That's nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee.'

The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say, 'Man, I really need 10 dollars. Just lend me 10 bucks!!'

'Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this.' The doctor was dumbfounded.

'Wait Doc, that's not all. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle,' the man urged him.

The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, 'Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks, please, if you will.'

'I have no idea what to tell you. There's nothing about it in my books,' he said, as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.

'I can make a well educated guess though,' he continued. 'Based on life and all my previous experience, I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in three places.'



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Topless bar

Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?

A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.

 

 

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