Weird Websites. . . Weird Websites. . . Weird Websites. . . Weird Websites. . . Weird Websites. . . Weird Websites. . . Weird Websites. . . Weird Websites. . .

The ONLY site on the internet where everything is guaranteed to be completely WEIRD!!

<< Being weird on the Internet since 1848 >>

Utterly Weird

Weirdness

Jokes
Riddles

Poems

Stories

Pictures

Animals

Real or Fake?

Fashion

Videos

Philosophy

Cartoons

Anime

Rocky Horror

Urban Myths

Facts

Ugly People

Famous People

Auctions

Gadgets & Stuff

Names

Illusions

Webcams

Art

Quotes

Bits and Bobs

Strange Laws

Foods

Inventions

Weird Games

Humor Scripts

Photography

Limericks

Phobias

Proverbs & Sayings

Pull a Funny Face

Words

Graffiti

Face Paint Body Art

Top Song Lyrics

Movie Song Lyrics

Lyrics

Song Lyrics

Tattoos

Vintage Postcards

Wine Labels

World Population

FREE

DIET

PLANS

Google Ideas

 

Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 61

 

EURO ENGLISH

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEngish (Euro for short).

In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be replased with 'k'. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the forth year, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'. During ze fifz year ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trobls or difikultis and evrivum vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.


= = = = = = = = = =



Man is happy

Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares!!!
A man walks into a bar and finds a Genie in a lamp. The Genie will only grant him one wish. The man wishes to be a million times smarter than any man on earth. *POOF* the Genie turns him into a woman!


= = = = = = = = = =



Hillary goes to heaven

Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says 'Hillary, I know you're 'somebody' down on Earth, but up here, you're just another person. And, I'm swamped right now, so have a seat and I'll get back with you as soon as I can.'

So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can't help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.

When St. Peter returns she asks 'What's the deal with the clocks?'

St. Peter replies 'There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth.'

Hillary asks, 'Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?'

St. Peter replies, 'That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery.'

Hillary asks, 'Well, is my husband's clock on the wall?'

St. Peter replies, 'Of course not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan.'


= = = = = = = = = =



Local Bar

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender asks the seal, 'What's your pleasure?'

The seal replies, 'Anything but Canadian Club.'


= = = = = = = = = =



Doberman and Bulldog

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, 'Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.'

So the Doberman says, 'I love liver and cheese.' The Collie replies, 'That's not good enough.'

The Bulldog says, 'I hate liver and cheese.' She says, 'That's not creative enough.'

Finally, the Chihuahua says, 'Liver alone . . . cheese mine.'

 

 

<< Now check out out 1000s of other jokes >>

More - JOKES

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Must Buy eBook

medusa myths beautiful girls gorgon

Amazon: 

USA: $0.99 UK: 0.70
Amazon USA

Amazon UK

Must Buy eBook

cat ebook funny

Amazon: 

USA:  $0.99 UK: 0.80
Amazon USA 

Amazon UK

Funny Books

Funny Books

Funny Books

Funny Books

scottish humour books

Funny Books

lazy sods guide to sex

Funny Books

funny chat room wind ups windups book
 

 

Note: Many of photos and other items on this site have been submitted by friends of the site. We try not to infringe copyright but if you do have copyright to any picture (or anything else) and wish it removed please contact the webmaster. webmaster(@)weird-websites.info