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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 62

 

Buy monkeys for $10

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.' The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.


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Half a brain

Q: What did god say after he made Adam?
A: 'I can do better than that.' then he made Eve.

Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?
A: Gifted


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Call Center

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week.'

He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?'

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'


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United States of America

One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, 'George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?'

'Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,' advised George.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. 'Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?' Clinton asked.

'Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,' advised Tom.

Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. 'Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?' Clinton asked.

'Go to the theatre,' came the reply.


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Nice Job

Programmer at this retail chain gets an assignment to add some functionality to four reporting applications. One change request is to add passwords to one of the four applications -- but just one.

'Just doing one sounded suspicious to me,' says the programmer. 'So I decided to code the password logic in a separate module for easy reuse. I only had to add one line of code to the existing executable.'

Fast-forward six months: The new versions are installed in a handful of stores for beta testing before they'll roll out to 1,000 stores nationwide. Programmer's boss drops by his cubicle to tell him that the users like the password function, but they wanted it on all four applications. How long would it take to add it to the other three?

He calculates: add one line of code, compile, do some testing. That's maybe a few hours' work if everything goes as planned -- which it seldom does.

'Two days,' he tells his boss.

She's skeptical. 'Are you sure?' she says. 'Let's say one week.'

Programmer shrugs. Boss continues: 'Three applications, one week each, I'll tell them three weeks.'

He tries to explain that he estimated two days for all three applications. She's still skeptical, but after he assures her that with code reuse he really can finish in two days, boss compromises:
She'll tell them it'll be done in one week.

'I went to lunch, came back and updated all three in about an hour,'
says the programmer. 'The module worked great. I walked over to my boss's office to tell her the news. She asked if I was sure it worked. I assured her it did.

'She had already sent the estimate to her manager and, to be safe, she told him two weeks. She asked me not to send it to QA for another week. We didn't want to look too good.

'I had a chuckle and started working on something else. A couple of hours later, she forwarded me a note from her manager to the business client. He had padded it another week. I now had three weeks to finish my already completed changes.

'I worked on other things for a week, recompiled them so the date was recent, and got a big attaboy for finishing so promptly.'

 

 

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