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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 72

 

Good Eyes

This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, 'Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?'

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, 'Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight.'


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New Stamp

The Post Office briefly considered issuing stamps with Bill and Hillary's faces on them. However, test marketing verified that the customers would spit on the wrong side of the stamps.


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Goldilocks And The Three Bears

After the woodcutter chops a pile of logs, what happens to them at night?
They sleep like humans!


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Fast drinker

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, 'What'll it be buddy?'

The man says, 'Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.' The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

'You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have.'

The bartender hastily asks, 'What do you have pal?'

The man quickly replies, 'I have a dollar.'


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Proctologist

What's the difference between an attractive woman and a proctologist?
A proctologist only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

 

 

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