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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 73


Expensive Doctors

An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his left leg that doesn't heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but can't find anything wrong. So he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can't come up with any possible explanation for the pain.

The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, 'I'm sorry, but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there's nothing I can do about it.'

The old man replies with a look of disbelief, 'That's impossible! It is illogical! That just can't be!'

The doctor says, 'What do you mean? I'm the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it's NOT old age?'

The patient answers, 'I'm no doctor, but it doesn't take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're mistaken. After all, my right leg feels just fine.'

'So what?' says the doctor in a bit of a professional huff, 'What difference does that make?'

'Well the right one doesn't hurt a bit, and it's exactly the SAME AGE!'

= = = = = = = = = =

Kidneys and Livers

Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first one said, 'I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake died of a liver ailment.'

'So what makes you think your doctor is any better?' asked his friend.

'Because when my doctor treats you for a kidney ailment, you can be sure you'll die of a kidney ailment.'

= = = = = = = = = =

George is so forgetful

“George is so forgetful,” the sales manager complained to his secretary. “It's a wonder he can sell and I'm not sure he'll even remember to come back.”

Just then the door flew open, and in bounced George. “You'll never guess what
happened!” he shouted. “While I was at lunch, I met Old Man Brown, who hasn't
bought anything from us for five years. Well, we got to talking and he gave me this
half-million dollar order!”

“See,” sighed the sales manager to his secretary. “I told you he'd forget the

= = = = = = = = = =

Emergency Call

Dad's pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him--lights flashing. Dad hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call. Within seconds, came the police officer's hand in response, dangling a pair of handcuffs out the window.

= = = = = = = = = =

A musician goes to the doctor

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, 'Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!' The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, 'If it doesn't work, let me know.'

A week later the guy is back: 'Doc, still no movement!'

The doctor says, 'Hmm, guess you need something stronger,' and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later the poor guy is back: 'Doc, STILL nothing!'

The doctor, worried, says, 'We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?'

'I'm a musician.'

The doctor looks up and says, 'Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!



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