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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 77

 

Signs You Need A New Doctor

He calls you at two in the morning 'just to talk.'

- Instead of rubber surgical gloves he wears oven mitts.

- He keeps accidentally referring to himself as 'the defendant.'

- He thinks Eastern Medicine was developed in Long Island.

- He keeps accidentally referring to your legs as 'drumsticks.'

- His examination room is Room 201 at the No-Tell Motel.

- He introduces you to his anesthesiologist, 'Doctor Jim Beam.'

- Before surgery, he asks if you want this 'to go.'

- He tries to color your X-rays with crayons.


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Punishments in hell

A man dies, and he's looking in the gates of hell.

There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl. The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this hideous looking person. The Devil replies, 'Well, John has done some bad things in his life and that's his punishment.'

The man looks around a little more and sees Bill Clinton with a beautiful model. The stunned guy asks 'What's Bill Clinton doing with that model?' The devil replied, 'Well, that model did some pretty bad things in her life.'


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Bad News

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.


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Doctor, Doctor

I think I'm a cat?
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten I guess!


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To Georgie-Girl

Though I never seek fame nor fortune, I'm very flattered that you liked that as much as I. It was sent to me by a very sweet lady...

Keep the faith, sister Jackie. I still have my magnet on my filing cabinet at work.

-Alex Mutter

 

 

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