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Random selection of jokes - Probably the funniest random jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 79

 

Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.
The waiter comes and takes their drink order.
'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
'I want water, lots and lots of water,' said the third little piggy.

The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.
'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
'I want water, lots and lots of water,' said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter
approached the table & asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.
'I want a root beer float,' said the second piggy.
'I want water, lots and lots of water,' exclaimed the third little piggy.

'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter! to the third little piggy,
'but why have you only ordered water all evening?'
The third piggy says,
'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!'


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CAR RADIO

A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.

Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.

She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word 'country,' and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said 'rock 'n' roll;' the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.

A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, 'Asshole!'

...The radio cut over to George Bush's press conference.


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Doctor Doctor

I'm not well - can you give me something to make me better?
Take 2 teaspoons of this after every meal?
But Doctor, I've only got one teaspoon?


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Mermaid

Why did the Little Mermaid look the other way?
Because the seaweed.
Why did the Little Mermaid ride a sea-horse?
Because she was playing water polo!
Why was the Little Mermaid embarrassed?
Because she saw the big ship's bottom!


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Most unpopular action

President Clinton, speaking in private with his advisor on public favor, told him that the planned invasion of Haiti will be the most unpopular thing that he has ever done as the President of the United States.

'Actually, sir, according to our research, the most unpopular thing you've ever done was to be inaugurated as President. It's just been downhill from there.'

 

 

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