Random Jokes - 10
A rancher needs a bull to service his cows but needs to borrow the money from the bank. The banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.
The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased 'The bull has serviced all my cows, broke through the fence, and has serviced all my neighbor's cows.'
'Wow,' says the banker, 'what did the vet do to that bull?'
'Just gave him some pills,' replied the farmer.
'What kind of pills?'
'I don't know,' says the farmer, 'but they sort of taste like peppermint.'
When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. 'Ole,' they said, 'since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there's not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic.' Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it.
The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, 'Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now,' he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, 'now you are a Catholic!'
Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again the aroma of grilled beef coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors went to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying to the steak: 'You were born a beef, you were raised a beef', and as he sprinkled salt over the meat he said, 'and NOW you are a FISH!'
'May I take your order, sir?' the waiter asked.
'Yes. How do you prepare your chickens?'
'Nothing special, sir,' he replied. 'We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.'
Is it because light travels faster than sound why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Itís zero degrees outside today and itís supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow. How cold will it be?
Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
Why do banks charge you an 'insufficient funds' fee on money they already know you donít have?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?
Why do they call it the Department of the Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, The California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and The Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who 'never knew how much he was kneaded.' Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.
He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 4:50 for about 20 minutes.