Random Jokes - 13
Two Irishmen were walking down the street with two salmon each under their arms.
Two other Irishmen walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky fishermen and ask ' how did you catch those ?'
Well its like this! Michael here holds my legs over the bridge, and I grab the salmon as they swim up the river. We got four salmon A great days fishing!
So the fishless pair look at each other and agree to give it a try.
They get to the bridge and Sean calls to his friend 'hold my legs now Paddy'.
Well he is hanging there upside down for thirty minutes when he suddenly cries.. 'pull me up, pull me up!!'
Paddy asks ' do you have a fish Sean
An old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and his fishing pole walking down the dirt road. 'Where you goin' with that pole?' he calls. 'Gonna git me some fish with this here fishing pole!' answers the kid. Sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with a bucket of fish.
Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some duct tape. 'Where you goin' with that?' he calls. 'Gonna git me some ducks with this here tape!' answers the kid. 'You can't git no ducks with tape!' hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the tape strung out behind him and ducks stuck all over it!
Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some chicken wire. 'Where you going with that?' he calls. 'Gonna get me some chickens with this wire!' answers the kid. 'You can't get no chickens with wire!' hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the wire strung out behind him and chickens stuck all through it!
Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some pussy willows. 'Now hold on just a minute' calls the old man, 'wait while I get my hat!!'
Barack Obama and John McCain both won rave reviews while cracking jokes at each other's expense at the Al Smith Dinner.
It has been a long-running tradition for presidential candidates to take a break from the campaign trail to engage in a comedic sparring match at the annual charity dinner. McCain and Obama did not disappoint as they delivered some of the funniest lines of the election season
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station, filled his tank, and took a break by his car while drinking a soda. As he relaxed, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.
One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him by about 25 feet and filled in the hole. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road.
Overcome by curiosity, the fellow headed for the first man.
'Hey there,' he said to the men. 'Can you tell me whatís going on here with this digging?'
'We work for the county government,' one of the men said.
'But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. Isnít that a waste of the countyís money?'
'Well,' one of the men replied, 'normally thereís three of us ó me, Rodney, and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree, and Mike here puts the dirt back.'
'Yeah,' Mike added. 'Just because Rodneyís sick, that donít mean we canít work, does it?'
A fellow took his girlfriend to the movies. During the pre- views, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M & Ms.
When he returned with her candy, she opened the bag, picked out all the brown ones and threw them away.
'What did you do that for?' he asked her.
'I'm allergic to chocolate!' she replied.