Random Jokes - 16
This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life.
When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men, and she asked him why they were there.
Her grandson replied, 'On television, they say, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!''
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.
To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.
He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. 'Who's the boss around here?' he asked.
'I am.' said the man.
'I have a black horse and a brown horse,' the farmer said, 'which one would you like?'
The man thought for a minute and said, 'The black one.'
'No, no, no, get the brown one.' the man's wife said.
'Here's your chicken.' said the farmer
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
'Let's have a party, Homer,' she suggested. 'Let's kill a pig.'
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. 'Gee, Ethel,' he finally answered, 'I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.'
Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was
speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn't catch up to the accelerating chicken. Seeing it
turn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, he noticed that ALL of the
chickens had three legs.
The farmer came out of his house, and Juan said, 'Three-legged chickens? That's astonishing!'
The farmer replied, 'Yep. I bred 'em that way because I love drumsticks.'
Juan was curious. 'How does a three-legged chicken taste?'
The farmer smiled. 'Dunno. Haven't been able to catch one yet.'
An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.
The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.
Then he yelled, 'Pull, Nellie, pull.' Benny didn't move.
Then he yelled, 'Come on, pull Ranger.' Still, Benny didn't move.
Then he yelled really loud, 'Now pull, Fred, pull hard.' Benny just stood.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, 'Okay, Benny, pull.'
Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.
The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, 'Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try.'