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A random selection of hilarious jokes from our website - Probably the funniest jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 20


According to a recent article I just read on nutrition, they said eating right doesn't have to be complicated. Nutritionists say there is a simple way to tell if you're eating right. Colors. Fill your plates with bright colors. Greens, reds, yellows. In fact, I did that this morning. I had an entire bowl of M&M's. It was delicious! I never knew eating right could be so easy.

A worried man goes to his doctor and explains, 'Doc, there's something seriously wrong with my digestive system!' 'If I eat carrots, when I go to the bathroom, out comes carrots! If I eat peas, I take a dump, out comes peas! I eat apples and I poop apples! I'm worried, Doc; What do you suggest?' The doctor said calmly, 'No problem, eat poo.'

Farmer John was taking his cow and it's new born calf to sell in the auction. On the way farmer John got robbed by thieves, who beat him up, stripped him of his clothes and tied him to a tree. Then taking the mother cow and John's clothes, the thieves escaped. They, however left the new born calf behind.

Poor farmer John suffered as for two days, he stood tied to a tree, stark naked and hungry. Fortunately, on the third day, some neighbors happened to pass by. They recognized John and untied him. When they did, farmer John picked up a huge stick and started bashing the calf with it.

'Why are you thrashing the poor calf?, his neighbors asked?

To which farmer John replied, 'I had to tell this beast for the past two days repeatedly that I am not your mother!, I am not your mother ........!

Have you been swept up by Obamamania, or do you think he's a false prophet? Perhaps you're still struggling to make up your mind. Take this quiz and we'll gauge your level of support for the Democratic presidential frontrunner.

There were three jazz players getting ready for a concert. One got done early so he went to a Burger King. He went up to the manager who got mad easily and said,'I want a burger 2,3,4, a juicy burger 2,3,4, not too juicy and not too plain in the grove 2,3,4, in the grove 2,3,4.' The manager decided not to let this guy bother him. Now the second jazz player comes in and says,'I want some fries 2,3,4, some salty fries 2,3,4, not too salty and not too plain in the grove 2,3,4, in the grove 2,3,4.' Now the manager is mad and says,'If one more person comes in here and sings that stupid joke I'm going to scream!' So the third jazz player comes in and says,'I want a soda 2,3,4, a fizzy soda 2,3,4, not too fizzy and not too plain in the grove 2,3,4, in the grove 2,3,4. Now the manager is furious and turns around, takes off his apron and says,'Kiss my butt 2,3,4, my hairy butt 2,3,4, not to the left and not to the right in the grove 2,3,4, in the grove 2,3,4!



<< Found these jokes funny? Now check out the 1000s of other hilarious jokes on our site. >>


























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