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A random selection of hilarious jokes from our website - Probably the funniest jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 21

 





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Money From God
A little boy wanted $100 so badly that he prayed for two weeks. But nothing happened; so he decided to write God a letter asking for the money. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to 'GOD, USA', they decided to send it to the President. He was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill.

The little boy was delighted with the $5, and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read; 'Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had it sent through Washington, DC, and as usual, those guys deducted $95.'





Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn't catch up to the accelerating chicken. Seeing it turn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, he noticed that ALL of the chickens had three legs.

The farmer came out of his house, and Juan said, 'Three-legged chickens? That's astonishing!'

The farmer replied, 'Yep. I bred 'em that way because I love drumsticks.'

Juan was curious. 'How does a three-legged chicken taste?'

The farmer smiled. 'Dunno. Haven't been able to catch one yet.'



An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed to have a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts.

One day while the older man was away from his desk the young man couldn't resist and went to the old man's jar and ate over half the peanuts.

When the old man returned the young man felt guilty and confessed to taking the peanuts.

The old man responded 'That's ok since I lost my teeth all I can do is lick the chocolate off the M&Ms.'



A woman goes into a shop to buy a rod and reel as a gift

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter where there's a shop assistant wearing dark shades. 'Excuse me sir' she says 'can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'

The assistant replies 'Ma'am I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.'

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, 'That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's only $20.00'.

The lady said, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it.'

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The assistant rings up the sale and says, 'That will be $25.50.'

She says, 'But didn't you say it was $20.00?'

'Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, but the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50.'



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Request to Become an Illegal Alien
An 'actual' letter from an Iowa resident sent to his Senator

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,


As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this billís provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so Iím excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes the last two years.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driverís license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA


 

 

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