Random Jokes - 23
Once upon a time, there was a farmer in the central region of China. He didn't have a lot of money and, instead of a tractor, he used an old horse to plow his field.
One afternoon, while working in the field, the horse dropped dead. Everyone in the village said, Oh, what a horrible thing to happen. The farmer said simply, We'll see. He was so at peace and so calm, that everyone in the village got together and, admiring his attitude, gave him a new horse as a gift.
Everyone's reaction now was, What a lucky man. And the farmer said, We'll see.
A couple days later, the new horse jumped a fence and ran away. Everyone in the village shook their heads and said, What a poor fellow!
The farmer smiled and said, We'll see.
Eventually, the horse found his way home, and everyone again said, What a fortunate man.
The farmer said, We'll see.
Later in the year, the farmer's young boy went out riding on the horse and fell and broke his leg. Everyone in the village said, What a shame for the poor boy.
The farmer said, We'll see.
Two days later, the army came into the village to draft new recruits. When they saw that the farmer's son had a broken leg, they decided not to recruit him.
Everyone said, What a fortunate young man.
The farmer smiled again - and said We'll see.
Two morons rent a boat and go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore.
1st moron: I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish.
2nd moron: Yes, I made an 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot.
1st moron: You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?
A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies. The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid Oklahoma hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said 'This duck ain't from Oklahoma. This is a Kansas duck. You got a Kansas huntin' license, boy?' The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kansas hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said 'This ain't no Kansas duck. This duck's from Arkansas. You got a Arkansas license?' The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Arkansas hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain't no Arkansas duck. This here duck's from South Carolina. You got a South Carolina huntin' license?' Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly 'Just where the hell are you from?' The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said 'You tell me, expert.'
Q. How do astronauts eat their ice creams
A. In floats
Q: How do you make a dinosaur float?
A: Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer and add one dinosaur!
Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow ?
A: Ice Cream
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?
A: Pi a'la mode.
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier's
Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).
'Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'
'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep, 'The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons. Have a nice day.'