Random Jokes - 27
A world renowned neurologist is giving a seminar to a group of doctors about involuntary muscular contractions. He goes on to explain that there are many muscles in our body are reacting involuntarily of each other and without us even knowing. He senses the class is becoming bored with his speech, so he tries to lighten it up a bit by asking a woman doctor in the front row, “You probably have no idea what your asshole is doing every time you have an orgasm”. She smiled sheepishly and replied, “ I know exactly what he’s doing, he’s out fishing with his friends.”
The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited.
He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.
Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, 'You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.'
'Why would you say that?' wondered the broker.
'Because you’ve made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career.'
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,'Are there any gators around here?!'
'Naw,' the man hollered back, 'they ain't been around for years!'
'Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,'How'd you get rid of the gators?'
'We didn't do nothin',' the beachcomber said.
'The sharks got 'em.'
One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they're fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.
Joe then said 'Gee Bob, I didn't know you had it in you!'
Bob then replies ' It's the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years.'
A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale.
'Afraid not,' said the farmer.
'I'll give you a thousand bucks!' said the city fella.
'I can't sell you that horse. He don't look too good,' replied the farmer.
'I know horses, and he looks fine. I'll give you two thousand!'
'Well, all right, if you want him so bad.'
The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been gypped. 'You sold me a blind horse!'
'Well,' said the farmer, 'I told you he didn't look too good.'