Random Jokes - 29
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate.
'Hey, Willis,' he called out, 'forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll help you overturn the wagon.'
'That's very nice of you,' Willis answered, 'but I don't think Dad would like me to.'
'Aw, come on, son!' the farmer insisted.
'Well, OK,' the boy finally agreed, 'but Dad won't like it.'
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. 'I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset.'
'Don't be silly!' said the neighbor. 'By the way, where is he?'
'Under the wagon,' replied Willis.
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I donít think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
Moshe was eating in a Chinese restaurant and was chatting to his Chinese waiter.
Moshe commented upon what a wise people the Chinese were.
'Yes,' replied the waiter, 'we're wise because our culture is 4,000 years old. But Jewish people are also very wise, are they not?'
Moshe replied, 'Yes, we are. Our culture is 5,000 years old.'
The waiter was surprised to hear this. 'That can't be true,' he replied, 'where did your people eat for a thousand years?'
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said,'Someone may steal from it at night.' So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said,'How does the watchman do his job without instruction?' So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said,'How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?' So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said,'How are these people going to get paid?' So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Congress said,'Who will be accountable for all of these people?' So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said,'We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.' So they laid off the night watchman.
'I'm here with the Girardo family here in St. Louis.' --speaking via satellite to the Democratic National Convention, while in Kansas City, Missouri, Aug. 25, 2008
'Let me introduce to you the next President -- the next Vice President of the United States of America, Joe Biden.' --slipping up while introducing Joe Biden at their first joint campaign rally, Springfield, Illinois, Aug. 23, 2008
'Just this past week, we passed out of the out of the U.S. Senate Banking Committee -- which is my committee -- a bill to call for divestment from Iran as way of ratcheting up the pressure to ensure that they don't obtain a nuclear weapon.' --referring to a committee he is not on, Sderot, Israel, July 23, 2008