Random Jokes - 32
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says:'Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow'.
The second one says:'Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet'.
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says:'You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!!'
Of course, now everyone's digging into Sarah Palin's past. There's an old picture of Sarah Palin circulating on the internet right now, and she's wearing a t-shirt that says, 'I may be broke, but I'm not flat-busted.' Yeah, John McCain was upset when he heard this and asked, 'What's the internet?'' --Conan O'Brien
'The Wall Street Journal said today Democrats are sending an army of lawyers and investigators up to Alaska to look into the background of Sarah Palin. And of course, John McCain is furious. He said, 'Hey, if I didn't look into her background, there's no reason you should be looking into her background.'' --Jay Leno
A man passing an orchard noticed a farmer with a herd of pigs gathered around his feet. The farmer was holding a pig up above his shoulder so it could bite off an apple. Then, he put the pig down and raised another, then another.
The passerby shouted to the farmer: 'Why don't you just shake the tree and let the apples fall on the ground? That would save a lot of time.'
The farmer responded, 'What do pigs care about time?'
The workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today.
They are demanding to make less money!
A farmer asked his vet to come out to check on his favorite bull who wasn't doing well at all.
After checking the bull's vital signs, the vet reached in his black bag and pulled out a rather large pill.
He forced open the bull's mouth and crammed the pill down his gullet.
Suddenly the bull jumped up and took off like a banshee, jumping every fence in his way.
The vet exclaimed, 'Well, looks like your bull is healed!'
The farmer replied, 'Now give me one of those pills. I've gotta catch him!'