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A random selection of hilarious jokes from our website - Probably the funniest jokes on the Internet

Random Jokes - 34


Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Abraham would go out the back of his shop and eat his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.

One day, Abraham was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for 'enjoyment of food'. So he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them. The manager said, 'You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it.'

Abraham refused to pay and the restaurant sued him. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, 'Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen
and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it.'

The judge turns to Abraham and said, 'What do you have to say to that?'

Abraham didn't say anything but stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins
he had inside.

The judge asked him, 'What is the meaning of that?'

Abraham replied, 'I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money.'

Moments before a famous Shakespearean actor was to perform Hamlet to a packed house in New York, he dropped dead. The house manager solemnly went onstage and announced, 'We are sorry to bring you this news, but our performance tonight has been canceled due to the untimely demise of our featured performer.'

From the back of the theater a voice cried out, 'Give him some chicken soup!'

Startled, the stage manager cleared his throat and replied, 'I apologize if in my grief I have not made my solemn message clear. The man is deceased.'

Once again, but more emphatically the voice rang out, 'Give him some chicken soup!'

Having had about enough, the manager bellowed back, 'Sir, the man is dead. Giving him chicken soup couldn't possibly help.'

To which the voice replied, 'It couldn't hurt!'

Mike Huckabee is still in the race, at this point. Yesterday, presidential candidate Mike Huckabee said he won't stay in the race beyond reason. Then Huckabee announced he's dropping out six weeks ago' --Conan O'Brien

'Mike Huckabee's campaign is starting to taper off a little bit. Like for the big rallies, Chuck Norris just sends his stunt double.' --Jay Leno

'Asked why he is still in the race, Mike Huckabee said, 'I have nothing else to do.' So it sounds like he really is running for vice president.' --Jay Leno

'Republican candidate Mike Huckabee said, when he was in college, he used to use a popcorn popper to fry up squirrels. They'd fry up squirrels and eat them. And people thought this would hurt him in the polls. It turns out, in South Carolina, went up 30 points.' --Jay Leno

My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair.

'As an environmentalist,' she declared, 'I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils.'

The waiter inspected her chopsticks. 'Very beautiful,' he said politely. 'Ivory.'

Two women from england moved to America. They decided that since it was a traditional American food they would try there first hot dog.They were talking about how mean it was to kill a helpless dog for food. So they went to a hot dog stand and bought the hot dogs. They found a park bench to sit on and eat there dogs. The first one opens hers and turns bright pink...



<< Found these jokes funny? Now check out the 1000s of other hilarious jokes on our site. >>


























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