Random Jokes - 35
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, 'This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!' The farmer looked puzzled and replied, 'What's time to a pig?'
Why did the potato cross the road?
He saw a fork up ahead.
How do you describe an angry potato?
Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
What do you call a baby potato?
A small fry!
Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat.
When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, 'I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?'
'Of course,' the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.
The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively -- 'Don't touch me!' he cried, 'I'm on a disability pension.'
One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. 'Get the owner's manual!' her husband shouted.
'I can't find it anywhere!' she cried, searching through the box.
'Oops!' came a voice from the kitchen. 'Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual is burnt to a crisp.'
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend,
'Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow.'
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, 'Did you mark that spot?'
His friend replied, 'Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat.'
The first one said, 'You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?'