Random Jokes - 36
A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn and ran inside.
Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said... 'Meow'.'
'Just cats,' he thought.
He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said... 'Woof'.'
'Just dogs,' he thought.
As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded his sack he said... 'Potatoes!'
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted that read, 'No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.' The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign remarked, 'Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than 20 dollars I wouldn't be eating here.'
Jane had a system for labeling homemade freezer meals. She would carefully note in large clear letters, 'Meatloaf' or 'Pot Roast' or 'Steak and Vegetables' or 'Chicken and Dumplings' or 'Beef Pot Pie.'
Everyday when she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner, he never asked for any of those meals. She decided to stock the freezer with his various requests. What he really likes.
In Jane's freezer you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: 'Whatever,' 'Anything,' 'I Don't Know,' 'I Don't Care,' 'Something Good,' or 'Food.'
No more frustration for Jane because no matter what her husband replies when she asks him what he wants for dinner, it's there waiting.
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, 'Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses.'
'We don't have any.' replied the first blonde.
'Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses.' said the Game Warden.
'But officer,' replied the second blonde,'we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the ottom of the river.'
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. 'Well, I know of no law against it,' said the Game Warden, 'take all the debris you want.' And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. 'What a dumb Fish Cop,' the second blonde said to the other two, 'doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!'