Random Jokes - 38
A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure. Then he asked,
'But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?'
There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, 'Well, you knew, didn't you?' and hung up.
Three guys who were lost at sea ended up landing on an unfamiliar island. After wandering around for a while, a group of natives picked them up and took them to their hut. The chief came up to them and said, 'We will let you live, if you can go out into the jungle and bring me 10 pieces of fruit.' So the men agree and take off. The first guy brings back 10 apples and places them before the chief. 'Now, you must stick the apples up your ass and not show a bit of emotion, or else we will kill you.' The guy got one, and on the second, he flinched and was killed. The second guy walks up and shows the chief 10 berries. He is given the same task and makes it up to 8 and then begins to laugh histerically. He is also killed. When the second guy gets to heaven and meets up with the first, the first asks him 'You almost had it! Why did you laugh??' The second replies, 'I couldnt help it. I got the 8th up there and saw the other guy walking up with pineapples.'
For the past three years, the government has worked hard and spent many tax dollars to find the approval ratings for unemployment.
They have concluded that a 7% unemployment level is acceptable to 93% of the working population.
Now let's just hope that the unemployment rate doesn't change.
A January 1994 Reuters News Service story on Manuel Oliveira's ice cream shop in Merida, Venezuela, reported on his 567 flavors, including onion, chili, beer, eggplant, smoked trout, spaghetti parmesan, chicken with rice, and spinach. He said some flavors fail; he once abandoned avocado ice cream, and tossed out 99 pounds of it, because it wasn't smooth enough.
Person One or Person Two?
Person Red or Person Blue?
Do you live all by yourself?
Do you live with someone else?
Do you own the place where this was sent?
Or just a poor slob paying rent?
How old are you on April 1st?
Just when is your date of birth?
Are you a boy or girl right now?
Would your doctor write that down?
Are you Vietnamese or Korean?
Chinese? Cuban? Puerto Rican?
Japanese or Filipino?
Two-thirds white or half Latino?
Samoan aunt? Hawaiian dad?
An uncle who's from Trinidad?
African or black? Which is it?
Indo-Euro Asian midget?
Answer all and send it out,
so we can get a proper count.
Results arrive 2010,
the date we do it all again!