Random Jokes - 40
A little boy wanted $100 to buy a new bike, and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God, which read:
Thank you very much for the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington. As usual, they deducted $95.00 for themselves.
# 'All right, whose going to be a sport and show me their favorite fishing hole?'
# 'Anyone know who owns the red pick-up out front that I just hit?'
# About the shop's merchandise: 'Look at all this antique tackle.'
# 'Let me tell you about a fish I once caught...'
# 'What! No high-tech lures? How can you people catch anything?'
# 'One of you has got to be named Bubba...let me guess.'
# 'You do take travelers checks, don't you?'
# 'Your rods look as if they were wrapped at the Lighthouse Project for the Blind.'
# About a picture hung behind the cash register: 'Are those some ugly fish you caught or is that a family portrait?'
# 'I only use imported hooks.'
# 'I need a new rod. Do you have anything in blue to match my reel?'
# When a woman walks into the shop: 'Want to see my lure?'
# And never, ever say: 'You call this live bait? Why, in New York we...
The Gettysburg address is 269 words, the Declaration of Independence is 1,337 words, and the Holy Bible is only 773,000 words. However, the US tax law has grown from 11,400 words in 1913, to 7 million words today.
There are at least 480 different tax forms, each with many pages of instructions.
Even the easiest form, the 1040EZ has 33 pages in instructions, and all in fine print.
The IRS (Internal Revenue Service - US Taxing Authority) sends out 8 billion pages of forms and instructions each year. Laid end to end, they would stretch 28 times around the earth.
Nearly 300,000 trees are cut down yearly to produce the paper for all the IRS forms and instructions.
American taxpayers spend $200 billion and 5.4 billion hours working to comply with federal taxes each year, more than it takes to produce every car, truck, and van in the United States.
The burden of compliance is the equivalent to a staff of 3 million people working full time for a year, just to comply with the taxes on individuals and businesses.
The IRS employs 114,000 people; thatís twice as many as the CIA and five times more than the FBI.
60% of taxpayers must hire a professional to get through their own return.
Taxes eat up 38.2% of the average familyís income; thatís more than for food, clothing and shelter combined.
and that is only the federal (national) tax Ė it does not include the state, county, local, sales, property taxes and others.
A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender:
'Do you serve lawyers here?'
'Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator.'
Three priests were fishing on a boat when they ran out of bait.
The first priest got up and walk across the water to get some more bait.
After 2 hours they ran out of bait again and the second priest said he would go get more bait...so he got up and walk across the water.
After 3 hours of fishing they ran out of bait again and the third priest said he would get more bait. So he stepped out of the boat and went straight to the bottom.
The first priest turned to the second priest and asked, 'Should we have told him where the rocks were