Random Jokes - 42
Driver: 'Hi, is your name Jello?'
Hitchhiker: 'Uh... no...'
Driver: 'Too bad... 'cause there's always room for Jello!'
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. 'Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?' The boy responded, 'Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.' 'What was that?' the old man asked. Again the boy responded, 'Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.' 'Look,' said the old man, 'I can't understand a word you're saying.' The boy spit the bait into his hand and said... 'You have to keep the worms warm!'
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, filling everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten raccoon. The raccoon is yelling: 'Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
John was furious when his steak arrived too rare.
'Waiter,' he shouted, 'Didn't you hear me say 'well done'?'
'I can't thank you enough, sir,' replied the waiter. 'I hardly ever
get a compliment.'
At a Milwaukee post office, a woman complained to the clerk that a Pony Express rider could get a letter from Milwaukee to St. Louis in two days, and now it takes three. 'I’d like to know why,' she scoffed.
The clerk thought a moment and then suggested, 'The horses are a lot older now?'