Random Jokes - 44
In her memoirs, Barbara Bush described one of those most embarrassing moments that inevitably occur, even on the most carefully advanced of foreign trips. Along with her husband, then the Vice President, Mrs. Bush was lunching with Emperor Hirohito at Tokyo's Imperial Palace.
Sitting next to the Emperor, Mrs. Bush found the conversation an uphill task. To all her efforts at verbal engagement, the Emperor would smile and say 'Yes' or 'No,' with an occasional 'Thank You' tossed in for good measure.
Looking around her elegant surroundings, she complimented Hirohito on his official residence.
'Thank you,' he said.
'Is it new?' pressed Mrs. Bush.
'Was the old palace just so old that it was falling down?' asked Mrs. Bush.
In his most charming, yet regal, matter, Hirohito replied, 'No, I'm afraid that you bombed it.'
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.
Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, 'This is the place!'.
The other replied, 'No, it's not!'.
The first man said, 'Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.
To which the other man replied, 'Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's clover.'
Stumpy prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving. In his haste, however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local Poison Control Center and voiced his concern. They advised Stumpy to boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. Stumpy's face dropped as the guest called out, 'It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.'
A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died.'
'Well then, just give me my money back.'
'I can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
'OK then, just unload the donkey.'
'What ya gonna do with em.'
'I'm gonna raffle him off.'
'Ya can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead.'
A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, 'What happened with the dead donkey?'
'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 apiece and made a profit of $898.'
'Didn't anyone complain?'
'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back.'
A guy goes into work with a really bad hangover.
His buddy looks at him and says 'You look like shit. Rough night huh?'
They guy says 'I'm so ashamed, last night I went home and blew chunks.'
His buddy says 'That's not so bad, I've done that plenty of times.'
The guy says 'You don't understand....Chunks is my dog.'