Random Jokes - 7
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RIAA Wants Background Checks on CD-RW Buyers
Washington DC - The RIAA is lobbying for vendors of CD-RW drives to conduct background checks and require a 3 day waiting period before the drive can be sold.
The extensive background check would include cross referencing credit card numbers with local merchants sales logs looking for purchases of dual-cassette decks between the years of 1980 and 1987. It would also include checking for installation of file sharing software, knowledge of the Internet, and the ability to hum. Any of which would bar the purchaser from receiving his drive.
'A CD-RW can be a dangerous weapon when it falls into the wrong hands,' said RIAA President Hilary Rosen, 'You wouldn’t sell a gun to a convicted felon and you shouldn’t sell a CD-RW drive to a file sharing user. The 3 day waiting period gives us time to verify that no copyrighted material is on the purchaser’s hard drive and to make sure they have a membership in the Columbia House CD club.'
Current owners of CD-RW drives would be required to obtain a license for use of the drive or face stiff fines. Licenses could be obtained by enrollment at a local RIAA Education Camp where the horrors of copyright violation would be instilled with the use of electro-shock therapy.
'I was alarmed when I heard that children had the ability to burn CDs right on their computers,' said one Senator, 'We’ve tried to educate parents on the dangers of children playing with fire, and now these death merchants sell them that ability in a shiny metal box.' Other Senators voiced their concerns about the possible violations of privacy in the proposed legislation, but since it was called the Copyright Patriotism Act they are unable to oppose it.
'The RIAA has gone too far this time. There are uses for CD-RW drives that don’t violate RIAA copyrights like burning multiple copies of Microsoft Office for friends and neighbors,' said an opponent of the legislation.
Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there.
'What happened?' asks the first officer.
'Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran and dead as a doornail.'
'Good grief,' says the second officer. 'Didn't we have one covered in Frosted Flakes yesterday? And Captain Crunch last week?'
'You're right. I'm afraid,' said the detective as he took a drag from his cigar, 'this is the work of a cereal killer.'
29 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
3 have been arrested for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are current defendants in lawsuits
In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, 'What kinds of ice cream do you have?'
'Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,' the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.
'Do you have laryngitis?' the young man asked sympathetically.
'Nope,' she whispered, 'just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.'
One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, 'There are no fish down there.'
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, 'There's no fish down there.'
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, 'There's no fish down there.'
He looked up into the sky and asked, 'God, is that you?'
'No, you idiot,' the voice said, 'it's the rink manager.'