TREES SEEKING REVENGE SECRET PLOT
TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD
Now it can be told! On promise of anonymity, a stool
pigeon, who perched on a branch in a whispering pine
heard it all and is willing to share, for what she
considers an appropriate amount of seed money of course.
Her testimony was confirmed by a partridge, who had been
perched in a nearby pear tree and also was privy to
hearing the nefarious plot.
“They’re planning to take over the world,” the stool
pigeon told the media. “I heard it all! They call it
taking back the land, taking back what was originally
theirs.”
“They stole our land,” the chief of the California
redwoods, one of the leading royal families was reported
to have said. “They uprooted our families, causing us to
be split up.”
California redwoods at
Redwoods along the Smith River, Jedediah Smith Redwoods
State Park, California
. . . where the
Redwood Revolution began
“There are terrible stories passed down through
history,” shared Winover Willow. “I just can’t talk
about them. They are so horrible our family still weeps
when they are mentioned.” She wiped her eyes with one of
her branches. “I’m sorry,” she added. “I know crying
like this after all these years have passed makes me
look like a sap, but I just can’t help it.”
“We still pine for our loved ones,” was said to have
been added by a small spruce.
“They have it all planned out,” the stool pigeon told
the media. Her snapping black eyes looked from side to
side as she stared at the crowd through the bag which
she was wearing over her head to protect her identity.
She lowered her voice. “We have to be careful not to be
overheard, she said. “They have spies everywhere. Those
little helicopter seeds some send out. They report back
regularly. Some of the animals in the woods poo pah what
the trees are saying they are going to do. They claim
they are more bark then bite. But I heard them as they
spoke. I think they will carry out their plan. They are
going to try to take over the world. Take my word for
it. Many of those trees are really cireus. The king’s
red ruby and the Thompson seedless are especially
fanatical about this. They have spies that are living
right in your homes, ones which you nurture, feeding and
tending to them and they report back to their leaders,
telling them the deepest secrets of you, the humans who
have invaded and taken over their land.”
“But how can this be?” asked one member of the media
skeptically. “How can trees possibly have spies in our
homes?”
“In one word,” said the pigeon. “Bonsai!”
A gasp went up through the crowd. “Not Christopher
Nicholas!” said one Bonsai lover in horror, thinking of
her Christmas cactus. “Why he loves me, he’s a member of
the family.”
“Yes!” said the stool pigeon. “I’ve heard that name.
“Christopher Nicholas and Whitman Michael, the pine,
I’ve heard both those names when the spies have been
mentioned. The only one who seems to be showing any
loyalty at all to you is Elvis, the maple, and even he
is starting to lean the other way.”
Mankind strikes back -
another California redwood hits the ground
“Something has to be done,” said a member of the Arbor
Armed Services when word of the disloyalty of the stool
pigeon was reported. “We’ll need to branch out. Now that
the humans have word of our plans we’ll need to enlist
the help of our cousins the plants. They can be even
better spies than our own Bonsai brothers because they
are kept in the homes and offices of the humans year
round. We will take back our own lands. Remember our
battle cry, trees are not grown to become rulers!”
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