Woman Wakes
Up to Find Herself Turned Into a Mermaid. Where Will It
Stop She Asks.
Marilyn Anders has never been particularly fond of
swimming, therefore she was surprised and quite
horrified to wake up this past Tuesday morning and find
that not only was she unable to climb out of bed, but
she had no feet upon which to stand. Marilyn’s legs from
the knees down had turned into some sort of flippers.
Marilyn finds her self craving liquids to drink,
particularly diet cola, however contrary to what might
have been expected, given what we’ve read in science
fiction accounts, she seems to have no desire whatsoever
to immerse herself in water.
“I don’t have a particular aversion to it,” she told
reporters, who, upon hearing of this particular
phenomena had shown up at the Anders’ home, hoping to
find out more information upon this unheard of
occurrence. “It’s just that I don’t desire to be in it
any more or any less than I ever did.”
Marilyn turns into a mermaid
“My thoughts are that it has to be some sort of a skin
disorder, perhaps something akin to the
ohmygodwhatisheppening which
Ms. Anders’ experiences,” said Dr. Rodney Reign, who
examined Ms. Anders when a hysterical call from her
husband to 911 caused her to be brought into the
emergency room of a local hospital. “It is well known
that ohmygodwhatisheppening often causes its victims to develop what
have up until now been regarded as ulcers but may rather
be something akin to the Costa infestations often
experienced by fish. This theory is given additional
credence by the fact that suffers of
ohmygodwhatisheppening often
have an infestation of scaly white patches on their
skin, quite similar to the Ichthyophthirius, more
commonly know as Ich, which often invades fish tanks.”
A
random fish picture for those who don't know what a fish
looks like.
Nurse Tammy Beckford, who often assists Dr. Reign on his
more unusual cases, was dispatched to a local pet store
to purchase products such as Forma-Green or Acriflavine
Neutral which are often used on fish which suffer from
this particular disease. Dr. Reign was reluctant to
prescribe these particular medications,” Nurse Beckford
told reporters. “We just don’t know if insurance
companies will honor these prescriptions are not,
especially since they aren’t filled by pharmacies. We
tried contacting local pharmacies to see if they knew of
any sort of medications similar to these that are used
for humans, but none of them had anything remotely
similar nor did they carry the ingredients to put
something similar together.”
“We just prescribe for people, not for animals,” said
one local pharmacist. “We’ve never had a call for a
medication of this sort before.”
A
woman who did not turn into a mermaid
“We are in hopes that we have caught this unusual
condition in time to stop it from developing any
further,” said Dr. Reign. “I have put in a call to the
local veterinarian in hopes that he may be able to act
as a specialist consultant in this case. I further more
hope that in time we will find something that will cause
this disorder to reverse itself and we will be able to
restore Ms. Anders lower legs and feet to her.”
William Anders, Ms. Anders husband of some seven years
spoke briefly with the media. “I want to thank you all
for the interest and caring you have shown concerning my
wife’s unusual disorder,” he told everyone. “I love my
wife very much and this will in no way upset our
marriage. My wife is greatly concerned that this will
not stop with turning her into a mermaid but will
continue until she has completely turned into a fish. As
you can imagine, her emotional condition is quite
sensitive at this time. We ask that you continue with
your prayers and your loving thoughts. Although I love
my wife and nothing will ever change that, I much prefer
her as a flesh and blood woman rather than as a cold
fish.”
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