Alien eats
old woman in New York
ALIEN FEASTS, FORGETS TO TIP
One of the greatest things about New York City is its
diversity. While walking down the center of Times
Square, you might be drowned out by seven or eight
languages jabbering simultaneously.
New York City, which is absolutely busting at the seams
with culture and people, has only one question on its
mind: how to make room for new, uninvited guests—guests
with an apparent craving for flesh.
New York
“It’s not a question whether these things exist
anymore,” said ex-Mayor Giuliani in an un-televised
press conference, “it’s now a question of what to do
about them; these visitors from some different galaxy,”
he commented referring to the April 13th UFO and alien
sighting in Central Park.
The aliens, who appeared suddenly around six in the
evening, were spotted in what was thought to be an
incoming weather balloon. The UFO, reportedly only the
size of three cars and incandescent in the light of
dusk, “ … was hovering twelve feet [four meters] above
the ground for one or two minutes, as a crew of joggers
and we drunken hobos watched in amazement,” said one
witness of peculiar odor on the scene.
A hatch underneath the spaceship was said to have
opened. “Out came this thing that looked like it was
dripping something off it,” said a banker strolling in
the park, “It came out and blinked at us for one or two
minutes. It’s eyelids came up from the bottom of its
eyes. Then, it just turned around, heading back to the
ship, like it wasn’t interested in us anymore.”
New Yorkers, some scared, and others excited about the
revelation that we are not alone in the universe threw
parties in the streets all night long. The city declared
itself in a state of emergency. There wasn’t as much
chaos as what was thought would occur as the city’s new
mayor, Mayor Bloomberg, had hoped. It seemed the
incident unified the people as humans, and made people
think differently about what being human was all about;
that we are all a part of one planet, not just different
groups and cultures merely co-habiting on some giant
rock.
“Since the aliens haven’t returned and there’ve been no
signs of them doing so,” as reported by the Association
in Line for Independent Extraterrestrial Naturalization
(ALIEN), overseen by Mr. Michael Riegelman, “I see no
need for uproar. It’s actually a time we should come
together. Our organization is working on a means by
which we hope to send signals into outer space,
contacting our distant brethren, bringing them
back—showing them we have a lot more to offer.”
Alien Being
Others are also hopeful for their return. Many have set
up camp in Central Park where the scene took place. They
too are hoping to catch just a glimpse. “Just before the
alien entered back into his spaceship,” continued the
same banker above, “an old lady with her poodle must
have gotten to close. The alien stepped back inside and
as the hatch closed, the lady was sucked inside the
ship. We all held our breaths as the spaceship hovered
higher. Just as it disappeared into space, the old
lady’s nightgown—her moo moo, along with her dog’s pink
sweater and leash parachuted down into the grass. There
was a note on it.” The note, now being auctioned on Ebay
by Mr. Riegelman and other ALIEN members in hopes for
future funding, read, “Nice planet. But, the take-out
meals sure are crap.”
UFO
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