DOCTORS AND
COMPUTER TECHNICIANS WORK AROUND THE CLOCK TO TRY TO
PERFECT A VACINE FOR THE VIRUS WHICH SEEMS TO BE
ATTACKING BOTH HUMANS AND COMPUTERS ALIKE.
Up until recently, viruses which have invaded the human
population have seemed to have no connection with the
viruses which have invaded the electronic world yet
recently there seems to be a new strain of influenza
which is permeating both groups.
“There are too many similarities, too many coincidences,
if you want to call them that, for us to turn our backs
any longer,” said Dr. Henry.Edex, research specialist at
the famed Harvard University in Cambridge,
Massachusetts.
In humans the disease seems to manifest itself in
bloodshot eyes, people suddenly finding themselves
starting to fall forward while sitting down, tired
aching muscles, endless nights spent at the computer,
working hard yet at later retrospect seeming to have
accomplished nothing, falling asleep at the computer
only to awaken some hours later only to find that it has
grown too late to go to bed, knowing that by the time
one has gotten ready for bed it will be time to get up
again.
Magnified 10,000,000,000 the virus has an amazing
resemblance to a squirrel - scientist say that this is
the very reason that it can attack both humans and
computers.
In computers, the disease seems to manifest itself in
screens which turn red around the edges, tendencies to
disconnect themselves from being on the internet without
any warning given to computer users, and computers
refusing to be disconnected from the internet, staying
on for hours at a time, being willing to be disconnected
only when it is almost time for them to begin their
daily schedules once again.
“There is a definite connection,” said Edex. “The
similarities are too real. Furthermore, homes in which
the human virus exists seem always to have computers
suffering from the similarly acting strange virus which
has permeated them. Homes without computers are very
seldom visited by the human virus.”
“I have never seen anything like it in my entire life,”
said Joseph Newman, renowned computer technologist and
inventor of the elusive ‘any’ key, which many computer
users still fail to find, having to substitute the space
bar in its place. “A number of people have even reported
to me that they have heard their computers sneeze,
causing sheets of computer paper to be forcefully
ejected from their attached printers.”
This virus seems to be spreading rapidly, attacking not
only the traditional computers but also other
computerized objects such as computerized toys. Many of
the well known Tickle Me Elmo dolls are fading fast,
their bright red coloring turning into a pale pink and
the screaming laughter for which they are so well known,
becoming a faint squeak.
This young girl and her computer caught the virus - it
is not clear whether the girl infected the computer or
the computer infected the girl.
“Many
people who rely on computers for their daily work are
now making use of alternative substitutes,” report
statisticians. “Stores like WalMart and Staples have
seen a major upswing in the sales of notebooks, pencils
and pens.”
The United States Postal Service has also reported their
largest sale of stamps and stamped envelopes since the
early 1990’s when email began to become a serious
competitor to the traditional mail which began to be
referred to as ‘snail mail’.
Picture of a USA stamp - for those who have forgotten
what they look like.
Both doctors and technicians are beginning to quarantine
homes and offices in which this virus is showing up in
hopes of slowing down its rapid increase.
Both Dr. Edex and Joseph Newman have promised that they
will not give up the fight to find a cure for this
virus.
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